


Flying to Search for a Prey

by DarkerParts



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Death, Graphic Description of Corpses, Jihoon is just in love with him, Lee Jihoon | Woozi is Whipped, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Smut, Soonhoon - Freeform, Soonyoung is a killer, Soonyoung is possessive, Top Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Violence, Would add more tags and characters as the story goes on, howoo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21604672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkerParts/pseuds/DarkerParts
Summary: Kwon Soonyoung is a normal university student at day, and a professional killer at night by the name of Hoshi. Lee Jihoon is his long time friend who found out, and fell in love with him.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 71
Kudos: 335





	1. FEAR

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT FOR KIDS.
> 
> This AU is purely fiction. It would contain graphic murders, and smut, and violence.
> 
> Based on my tweet:
> 
> https://twitter.com/WeShipAndWeSail/status/1200011966472867840?s=19
> 
> Drop by on my twitter to say Hi!!!  
> @WeShipAndWeSail

_"I’m dangerous, so relentless. The cold truth is worth more than my heart"_

Jihoon woke up not because of the ache in his small body but because of the sudden coldness that wrapped him. He unconsciously whined. The blankets are wrapped tight around his clothless body, but the left side of the bed is crumpled and empty. He took a few minutes to just wake himself up, mindlessly staring at the ceiling before groaning and actually standing up. He picked up a random shirt on the floor, and took a boxer from the nearest drawer. Not even caring if it his or not.

He walked out of the bedroom only to find his boyfriend already putting his things on a nondescript black back pack. He frowned. Based on the walk clock, it's 2 in the morning and Jihoon is not happy.

**"Work?"** Jihoon asked, voice hoarse and sleep still lacing his every word. Soonyoung smiled a little and looked at him. Not surprised to see Jihoon awake, probably heard him getting out of the bed.

 **"Hmm...it's a bit far. So I had to go early."** Soonyoung zipped the bag, and put it on his shoulder. When he has it secured on his back, he walked to Jihoon and pulled him in by his waist.

Jihoon immediately tilted his face, anticipating the kiss. But Soonyoung just merely looked at his face. Jihoon scoffed, making Soonyoung grin a little bit wider.

**"I'll be back before lunch, maybe. I'll pick you up from the studio? we can go to that new restaurant Mingyu has been telling us"** Soonyoung lifted one of his hands and started caressing Jihoon's face. His thumb going back and forth from his cheek to his lips.

 **"Do you have all your things?"** Jihoon asked, his boyfriend never really needed a confirmation from him anyway. Soonyoung nooded as an answer.

" **Gloves?"** Soonyoung nodded again.

 **"Mask?"** Another nod.

 **"hoodie?"** Another one.

 **"perfume? cleaning set?"** Soonyoung patiently nods again.

Jihoon knew it must annoy Soonyoung. It must've taking time. But Jihoon has to make sure that Soonyoung brought everything. He can't really help his boyfriend, and all he does every time he's away is to worry.

But Soonyoung let him do it anyways. Let him ask questions after questions, making him take a look at his bag, or sometimes even letting him pack it for him. It has become a routine whenever he leaves.

Because that's all Jihoon can do, and that's all Soonyoung can give to him. 

He would never risk Jihoon's life so he never tells him where would be his next job, who would be his next kill or how he plans the death. He just leaves as if he's just going on a vacation. And Jihoon learned to not ask.

**"Sleep after I leave"** Soonyoung whispered before finally claiming his lips. Jihoon melts.

Soonyoung has always been a good kisser. He started with a soft peck and slowly transitioning it into a deep, moving kiss. Soonyoung sucking his lower, and biting them. Before nudging his lips open so his tongue can go inside. Jihoon always lets him in.

**"Comeback to me"** Jihoon will whisper when Soonyoung's mouth would move on his neck, sucking another hickey. Joining the rest he had made from the previous night. Soonyoung has always enjoyed marking him, and Jihoon always reveled from the possessiveness.

**"Always"**

* * *

Jihoon then would wake up, alone in the big apartment they always say is just a gift from Soonyoung's uncle. He would do his morning routine and pretend his boyfriend isn't out there already ending another man's life.

He would greet their friends and lie about how Soonyoung left early to get ready for a dance competition that doesn't exist. He would smile and laugh and pretend that his mind is not somewhere else worrying if Soonyoung would comeback this time without blood on his body. He doesn't mind blood, as long as it's not Soonyoung's.

He would attend his morning class, and walk to his studio provided by the university. He would click away, and pretend he's doing something and not counting the seconds until his studio door would open. Revealing a fresh and bright Soonyoung, very unlikely to the Hoshi that only knows blood.

* * *

**"Soonyoung..fuck"** jihoon grunted when Soonyoung lifted him up, and proceeded to thrust in him deeper, harder and faster. Trying to find something to cling on the door behind him, but ultimately just scratching the surface. It's always hot when they fuck against the door. As if Soonyoung can't just find the patience he always has in those moments, and ends up fucking him roughly right there and then.

**"Baby, hold onto me"** Soonyoung whispered on his ear, and he doesn't even think before letting go of the door. Both of his arms immediately circling around Soonyoung's neck. He groaned when his hands touched the ripped muscles of his boyfriend's back.

**"Ah...Ha...Harder. You can go hard..er... Ah fuck, fuck!"** Jihoon almost screamed when Soonyoung tightened his hold on his thighs and proceeded to piston his cock in him really fast.

**"Mine"** Soonyoung sucked his right nipple then, making him tilt his head back in pleasure. His head thumping on the door loudly, making Soonyoung stop. Jihoon whined loudly. Trying to move on his own but Soonyoung gripped him hard and impaled him on his cock.

**"wha...what the fuck. Why did you stop?!"** He's still panting, but he managed to sound annoyed. Soonyoung just rolled his eyes.

 **"You're hurting yourself"** Jihoon groaned.

 **"and maybe I like hurting"** Jihoon then leaned to Soonyoung until their lips are just inches away.

 **"I don't like you hurt"** Soonyoung whispered back at him. But Jihoon just smirked at him, a dangerous glint present in his eyes.

 **"Liar, I know you've been thinking ways of how to hurt me. I love it when you hurt me, Hoshi"** Jihoon purred, sucking on Soonyoung's earlobes and he heard him growl.

**"Don't ask for something you can't handle, baby"**

**"I wouldn't be here if I can't handle you, now fuck me like you mean it"** and that was all the permission Soonyoung needed before he tightened his hands on Jihoon's thighs once again, and fuck him like his life depended on it.

* * *

Soonyoung has always been horny after his kills. Jihoon concludes that it must be from the high of adrenaline, so Jihoon lets Soonyoung use him as an outlet of his undying stamina whenever he gets home from his last job. It doesn't hurt that Jihoon enjoys the desperation laced on Soonyoung's actions when he fucks him whenever he's highstrung.

**"You okay, love?"** Soonyoung asked after he has released all the tension in his body, pounding it on the younger instead.

 **"Hmmm"** Jihoon hummed, contentedly snuggling on his boyfriend's hard chest. After Soonyoung fucked him hard and fast against the door, Jihoon then proceeded on riding him slowly on the couch, and then Soonyoung rimmed him on the shower afterwards. Jihoon doesn't even know how many times he cummed tonight.

 **"Do you like to go to Japan with me?"** Upon Soonyoung's question, he blinked himself awake and looked at Soonyoung curiously.

 **"Why are we going to Japan? is your next target in Japan?"** Jihoon immediately regretted asking when he saw Soonyoung's eyes turned cold, his arms circling around him until he has positioned him on top. Jihoon pressed an apology kiss on his neck.

 **"You know I won't bring you if it is. No. I just want to breathe a little. And maybe have a vacation with you"** Soonyoung started to caress his hair and Jihoon once again sighed out of contentment. He smiled, small and soft.

**"Let's go to Japan then"**

The next day, they did went to Japan. Not even telling their friends, them only finding out when Jihoon posted a picture of them in his twitter three days later. All of them were sulking, and were only appeased when Soonyoung let them follow the both of you to Japan. Their own expense, ofcourse.

* * *

**A/N:** _This would be a chaptered fic but each chapter would only be some sort of small stories containing their life together. The stories are random, and not arranged according to timeline._


	2. Hello

_"We saw each other yesterday_   
_No, I only saw you_   
_I talked to you as if we always knew each other"_

_The place was old and abandoned. It wasn't a big building, but it looks scary nonetheless at the way it stands proudly, isolated in the vast property with only trees surrounding it. Hiding it in plain view._

_Inside is a man, beaten to a pulp. Lying helplessly with his hands tied at his back, legs twisted and broken, lips sealed with a tape but you can't even distinguish because of all the blood covering his face._

_No sound can be heard, except for the man's fast and shallow breathe. The simple action showing how scared and in pain he was. He had tried to cry and scream earlier, but the other guy,_ oh God the other guy, _already cut his tongue off before slapping a tape on his mouth._

The Guy _...is staring right at him. Bright blue eyes showing nothing but coldness and disinterest. When the poor man has opened his eyes, the other guy has already shed all of the things that hid his identity earlier when he had abducted and played with him._

_Besides the blue eyes, the man has a stunning face. He looks young with sharp cheekbones and prominent jawline. His lips red as if he is painting it with the blood of his kills. His eyes slanted, one that resembles of that a tiger's gaze. there is no emotion on his face. It's as if he's looking at a mannequin, a doll. Perfectly sculpted face but with no life on it._

_At first, the man was confused. Why would the guy show his face to him? Sure the guy has cut of his tongue, but he can still describe him. And no way in hell would he be able to forget his face after everything the guy has done to him._

_That's when it hit him._

_The guy has no plans of letting him crawl out of there, he won't make it out alive._

_He started crying in fear again. But the guy only tilted his face. Still not showing any human emotion._

_The man tried to go away. He tried to stand, but the pain in his legs prevented him from doing that. So he tried to crawl, even with his hands tied, he tried very hard to slither away. And the guy only stood there and watch him pathetically try to escape his nearing end._

_" **You won't be bale to use your leg anymore. I twisted them to the point that your joints have broken, the ligaments torn apart. It would never heal. But then again, you won't need them anyway"** He flinched when the guy started to talk_.

_Unlike to his inhumane face, his voice sounded sweet. Calm, serene even. It rang loudly in the place, but it sounded so pleasant. Except for the words that are coming from his mouth._

_He stopped moving when he heard foot steps coming closer, and he flinched when the man's black shoes appeared right in front of his face. He struggled to keep the whimper, but it was still heard in the dead of the night._

  
_**"Do you know what this is?"** The guy crouched down, and he pulled out a knife from his back pocket. He can't even move away, so afraid that the guy would just stab him right there and then._

  
_But the guy didn't even seem to notice him, he's just caressing the knife he was holding. But when he heard the man whimper, he looked at him straight in the eyes. And a creepy smile snaked it's way on the angelic face. Making him look like the kind of predator you just know you can't escape._

  
_**"This is Orion. One of my favorites. he's not big, or long. But it fits right into my hands. Do you know what I can do with him?"** the small smile on the man's face became a full out grin. his eyes disappearing from the force of his lips._

  
**_"I will carve you eyes first. Take them out, and send them to those who paid me to kill you. For evidence, of course. And then after that, I will carve out your heart, leave your chest open and use your blood as ink. People would love what Orion will do to you"_ **

  
_The shine on the killer's eyes was the last thing the man has ever seen._

* * *

Jihoon woke up because of the loud voices apparently coming from his living room. He looked at the clock besides his table and cursed upon seeing that it's only 5 in the morning. He groaned. He bought an apartment because he doesn't want a roommate but here he is, being awaken by his too loud friends. He didn't even give them a copy of the key to his house, they just one day have it. Somehow, Jihoon thinks it's Jeonghan who duplicated his key.

He walked out of the room, bare feet and all, just to scream at them to shout up. But before he can do that, Seokmin already beat him.

**"Look at that! Is that even something a human would do?! And why the fuck are they showing that to the news? Oh my god! That's so gross!"**

Jihoon followed the line where Seokmin is pointing and sighed loudly when it was from the news.

**"Can you all shut up, or just leave? I'm-"** He hasn't even finished talking but Jeonghan is already up on his space, and cupping his face.

**"Jihoon, you motherfucker. I want you to go home early from now on! No more late nights at the studio! No more walking at 3 am in the morning!"** Jihoon can hear how freaked his cousin is. That made him frown. Jeonghan is a worrywart, sure. But he's also calm and rarely shows it when he's shaken.

**"What happened?"** He asked, now suddenly curious what made his cousin react like that.

**"Hoshi happened"** Seungcheol spatted in disgust.

That's when he gave an actual look at the news. And he almost wished he didn't. The news is currently showing a distorted image of a man. It was blurred, sure. But you can still see how his body is misshapen, his legs and arms twisted in a very abnormal way. Even through the effort of censoring it, you can still see how his body parts aren't intact anymore. And there on the side of the ground, a simple star is drawn. Just like always. It's already brown, considering the blood has already dried.

**"What the fuck"** He muttered.

**"Exactly, so please. Promise me, okay? No more dangerous nights outside. Go home as early as you can"** Jihoon simply nodded. As much as he wants to believe that he won't ever cross paths with that killer, you never know what will happen. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Jihoon loves music. He fought tooth and nails just to be able to go to Seoul and study music. He had sacrificed his relationship with his family, their dreams for him, and possibly a ton of inheritance just because he can't swallow studying Business.

But for the love of everything's holy,

He doesn't understand why he has to go to an 8 am class in a Saturday. He loves music, but he's this close on punching himself because who made this schedule again?

**"Double espresso for Lee Jihoon"** He walked up to the claiming area with his eyes half closed and his brain half dead. He didn't even look before grabbing a cup and immediately downing a big gulp. Only realizing his mistake when instead of the biting bitter taste of espresso, it's the sickeningly sweet taste of chocolate that invaded his tongue.

He groaned and looked at his cup. Only to blink his sleep away when he saw a cup of espresso on the claiming area, one of the cashier looking dumbfounded at him, and another guy on his left looking amused at everything.

**"That's....not your drink"** the cashier squeaked.

**"I noticed"** He mumbled, as deadpanned as he can when he's dying of embarrassment inside.

**"what the fuck?"** Jihoon groaned when the guy on his left finally speak. He knows it's his fault for just suddenly grabbing a drink without checking if it's his but he honestly doesn't want to deal with somebody's anger. He hasn't properly eaten and slept for a couple days, and he's tired as fuck. He doesn't have the energy or even human will to face another person.

**"Who drinks hot espresso like that?! do you want to burn your tongue? They will hate you and decide that they won't ever taste your food ever again!"** The guy ranted, apparently more concerned for his tongue than the drink he just stole from him. He sighed, turning to his side to apologize to the guy and maybe tell him to fuck off.

He blinked.

And suddenly he forgot what he wanted to say.

In his defense, he was woken up by his friends at 5 in the fucking morning - _he's tired_ , and he hasn't had any real rest for the past few days. So his mind, and his heart isn't ready for what he saw.

He first noticed the eyes. They were very slanted, uncommon even to Koreans. It makes him look a lot intimidating even if there is a glint of shine in his eyes. His cheeks are round and contrasts beautifully with the eyes. If the eyes made him look intimidating, his cheeks that are flushed red just made him look impossibly cute. His lips, _oh God,_ his lips are plump and formed a pout, and Jihoon's first thoughts are how soft they would be if he kissed them.

In his 20 years in life, Jihoon never thought that he would lust over a man he just saw 10 seconds ago. But here he is, multiple scenarios fleeting in his head, all containing images in graphic detail how much he wants this guy to pin him and fuck him like it's the end of the world.

**"Are you okay? OMG! Did we break him?!"** The boy's loud voice took him out of his fantasies, and he coughed.

**"No. I'm okay. I don't have time for this. Just...please get another drink, I'll pay for it"** Jihoon grumbled. Suddenly embarrassed about the things in his mind rather than at the situation at hand. And all he wants to do is get out of there and maybe restart the day.

**"I'm actually late. So here"** The boy grabbed a pen, pulled his arm - _damn_ , jihoon can't even pull it back because he wanted to feel the boy over his body, and watched as the boy wrote something on the inside of his palm.

**"That..is my number. Im Kwon Soonyoung. You owe me a drink, I'll see later tonight! Bye!"**

it took Jihoon a full minute before he can comprehend what happened, turn around, grab his original drink, and proceeded to down it in one go.

**"Hey hyung, remember that dancer I told you about that's ready to cash out on an original song?"** Seungkwan didn't even greet him or let him sit before opening his mouth. He just nodded, and opened his laptop. He doesn't know how Seungkwan can manage to be this hyper and chirpy at this ungodly hour.

**"So...he's cashing out on 50k won"** With that Jihoon immediately whipped out his phone and **handed it to his friend.**  
 **"Put down his number. This better be true, boo or I'm gonna destroy your vocal chords in practice"** Seungkwan just laughed at him, putting the number on his phone and handing back the phone at him.

**"Soonyoung hyung would probably give you more than 50k won, he's that desperate"**

Jihoon whipped his head to Seungkwan upon hearing the name.

**"Soonyoung? Kwon Soonyoung?"** He blurted out without thinking. Seungkwan raised his eyebrows at his reaction.  
 **"You know him?"** Jihoon didn't answer him. Instead, he looked at his palm, then at his phone. Confirming that the number on his hand is the same one on his phone. He groaned. This day just keep on getting worse, is it?

Once he relayed to Seungkwan the happenings prior to their morning class, and how he had met Kwon Soonyoung, the younger can't stop laughing at his demise.

**"well..atleast you've already met each other** " The younger grinned at him, but Jihoon continued to frown at his friend. Sure, he planned to actually meet Soonyoung again to properly apologize and buy him the chocolate drink jihoon stole but Jihoon was thinking that he'll do that once he feels human enough to have interaction with another person, and when he's not dying out of embarrassment anymore. But it looks like he'll have to talk to him soon.  
 **"He's a dancer?"** Jihoon asked, and Seungkwan grinned **"Is he good at it?"**  
 **"Here...you see for yourself"** Seungkwan took his phone once again, and typed a little longer than 2 minutes. Jihoon let him, and sit up straight when their professor entered the room.  
 **"There, you should check him out, and maybe you'll find more than just 50.000 won"**  
  


To say Jihoon was impressed is an understatement. Seungkwan is a good kid, and mostly an entertainer. He reacts to the simplest of things so you really can't blame Jihoon for not having high expectations for the dancer.

But then he found himself later, alone at his university studio dying out of curiousness for the boy he just met once. So he shrugged and opened the notes Seungkwan left which contains the social media accounts of the dancer.

Three hours later, his tracks are left untouched. But he has watched every single dance video Kwon Soonyoung has in his youtube account, every dorky and funny videos he posted in twitter, and even small snippets of the boy in his instagram. There and then, he decided, if there is someone who would bring justice to his songs - _It would be Kwon Soonyoung._

Without second guessing, he hit the dial button.


	3. Getting Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm back. But this is more of a filler since all of the drafts I laid down were gone after my phone got stolen rawr.
> 
> Anyways, this is just to show how Jihoon view of Soonyoung 🥰🥰🥰

_"I’m still in the same spot_   
_At this moment, I take a breath of you_   
_I go crazy and can’t control myself..."_

_Down in a narrow street in Gangnam, just far enough from the eyes of too many people but close enough to the night life district, a lone man can be seen in one of the many motels established in the city. Suit pressed as smooth as they come, and hair carefully styled. He quietly sat there, at the end of the bed. Both hands on his lap, and expression as if he is waiting for someone to come._

_For someone who isn't in the picture, it was a bit ridiculous. The man dressed too extravagant for a run down motel. From head to bottom, he's adorned with expensive clothing. You can tell with just one look that this man is dripping with money. And yet, he looks like he's not even bothered by the grime on the walls, nor the dirt on the floor_.

_**"i've been expecting you"** He spoke when the window opened. The man deliberately chose the room on the second floor. No matter which room he stays in, he'll be found anyway. They'll find a way to enter the room wherever he is hiding. And he smiled smugly upon seeing who came for him._

_**"Ah... of course they would choose you. Everyone is just dying to employ you, aren't they? I had heard a lot about you. Hoshi, isn't it?"** The man didn't received any reply._

_The other guy isn't even moving. Right after he entered the room through the windom, gracefully the man observed, he just stayed there. Not coming any closer. The man can't figure out the guy's plan, or if he has any at all, since the guy was covered from head to toe._

_He's wearing a bucket hat, black and no print can be seen. Still, a bit stylish for someone who's about to end someone's life. He wears a mask that covers half of his face from his nose down to his jaw, only his slanted eyes showing. The man noted how unnatural his green eyes are, concluding that they must be contact lenses. He smiled, a smart lad. Covered even the smallest detail. The guy also wears a big black hoodie, the fabric coming down to his thighs. He thinks that it must be to hide his body built. He have gloves on both hand, and wears a black rubber shoes with no brand._

_**"I can see why you were never found"** The man continued to speak, but the guy didn't even bother to reply before lifting his gun._

_The gun was absolutely amazing, to the man's opinion. He might not be an expert in weaponry, but the room was small and he was close enough to the guy to see the details on the gun. It was a small pistol, he knew that much. But it was covered with flecks of gold that shines whenever it was hit with light._

_**"Is that customized?"** He asked, again, he received nothing from the other guy. So he sighed and plowed on._

**_"you will regret this. You will regret killing me. I can help you, build a new life for yourself. I understand you. You must have no choice, to live like that. To be led into that path. But... I can help you get out. Remake your story. Erase this persona and leave every_ ** _**guilt behind."** He stood up, trying to show his sincerity by showing the guy that he is not afraid of him._

_But he doesn't know, oh dear lord, he doesn't know how wrong his little speech was. He doesn't know, not until the guy, who has been silent and stoic as a mannequin, suddenly doubled over because of the force of his laughter._

_The man doesn't know what's funny, but he smiled nonetheless. Maybe, if he appease him, he would have a chance to a second life._

_He was surprised when the killer moved his head from side to side, as if stretching his neck, before removing his mask with one hand, the other still aimed at him._

_The man was surprised, underneath the get up, the killer was surprisingly handsome. Young, even. Maybe in his twenties. The grin in his lips makes him look even younger, like a mischievous boy next door._

_**"Let me help you. Don't kill me and I promise you a new life and protection that you won't even lift a gun ever again"** The man took the initiative to step forward, closing the distance between him and the killer._

_**"I like that idea..."** The killer finally spoke, voice soft. Melodious, and soothing. The man is being amused with how the killer looks and sounds soft, contradicting to the gun he's holding and the job he's about to do. **"But that's a shame, I like my guns"**_

_And without the man expecting, the killer fired the gun right on his forehead. With wide eyes, and arms held out, the man's body fall to the ground. Blood pooling on the floor._

_The killer stepped closer, kicking the body softly._

**_"All of you wealthy people die because of your stupidity"_ **

_He fired the gun again, and again, and again. Until the body was battered and all bullets from the gun transferred to the body._

_With a smile on his face, and humming an upbeat melody, hoshi proceeded to dip his gloved hand on the blood, and drew a star on the floor._

* * *

  
When Jihoon first met Soonyoung, he wanted to be fucked by him. He was just so hot and Jihoon had been in a dry spell. You can't honestly blame him. When Jihoon first talked to him regarding a song because apparently Soonyoung is desperate for an original song to dance into, he thought that he was pretty smart and cool. He knew what he wanted and how he wants the song to turn out. It doesn't feel like Jihoon's own creation. It was just like Jihoon is putting into words and rhythm what Soonyoung can't get out of his muddled brain. When they first hang out, Jihoon thought the guy was funny and really pretty. He makes everyone around him laugh freely, and without abandon, even wonwoo who's always frowning and sporting a resting bitch face. Now though, it's halfway through the semester and three months since he met the guy, and all Jihoon can say is that he's loud as fuck and he wants a refund.

 **"You're late"** Jihoon didn't even try to hide his annoyance but Seungkwan just rolled his eyes at him.

 **"I'm still earlier than Soonyoung hyung, but you never get mad at him for that, don't you?"** Seungkwan smiled sweetly at him and if it's possible, his glare intensified but Seungkwan was flippant about it. He has been friends with Jihoon for long, he knew by now that he's all bark and no bite.

 **"That's because I always bring a peace offering with me"** Soonyoung suddenly spoke, appearing out of nowhere. Jihoon would be surprised but a bag of expensive cookies lands infront of him, effectively trapping his attention. What can he say? It's food. Soonyoung took the seat beside Jihoon, putting his big ass bag on the floor and proceeded to melt on his seat.

 **"Practice killing you? Yah, boo. Go order us some food"** Jihoon was about to give some money to Seungkwan but Soonyoung beat him to it by throwing his wallet.

 **"Go buy something for all three of us, I think I'll die by the next second if I don't have a large chocolate parfait...and to answer your question, yes I'm gonna die"** Soonyoung dramatically flopped himself on Jihoon's shoulder. Seungkwan just rolled his eyes and obeyed, it's free food after all. And if Soonyoung is around, it's more often than not that he pays the food for evryone. Which dismays Jihoon a lot.

 **"You're sweaty, get off me"** Jihoon grumbled, but he knew that it won't have any effect on the other boy. Soonyoung is just as stubborn as him.

 **"I'm tired. The table is sticky, I just want to rest, is that bad?"** Jihoon rolled his eyes at Soonyoung's dramatics. But he did changed his stance and posture so that Soonyoung would be able to rest comfortably on his shoulders.

 **"Stop bringing me expensive foods and treating all of us. Just because you're rich doesn't mean you have to spend money left and right"** Jihoon frowned, but still get the bag of cookies and hid it in his bag. He likes eating them while working on a song, it gives the sugar he needs.

 **"Who said I'm rich?"** Soonyoung pouted at him. Jihoon just raised his eyebrow at him. Jihoon has a lot of generous friends, but Soonyoung is in another level. Sure, Seungcheol can be such a father sometimes and jeonghan has this weird habit of feeding them, but Soonyoung was a different case of pushover. He would just give his card to Mingyu without even blinking just because he's hungry. He always has expensive cookies with him and offering it to Jihoon or to anyone who wants it. He pays for their foods and sometimes even spoils the others by giving them random gifts. He was just so reckless with money that Jihoon is the one being bothered.

 **"You throw away money as if you're rich"** Jihoon told him and Soonyoung just smiled.

" **Money is meant to be spend, you know"** Jihoon was about to scold Soonyoung about the way he thinks when Seungkwan arrived with their drinks and an assortment of desserts. Jihoon glared at his donsaeng.

 **"Soonyoung told me to buy whatever!"** The younger defended, but Soonyoung just shrugged. Immediately putting a cupcake in his mouth.

 **"It's hyung to you, kwan. Also, just eat Jihoonie"** Soonyoung didn't even bother to wait for any of their replies and continued devouring his parfait like a kid. Beaming upon seeing a lot of chocolate fudge on top.

**"Just because your parents give you a lot of money-"**

**"I don't have parents. They're dead. I work, so I have money."** Jihoon stopped at his ramblings, and even Seungkwan who's eating an apple cinnamon pie stopped chewing.

 **"What?"** Soonyoung looked at them with wide eyes.

 **"I'm sorry"** Jihoon mumbled, embarrassed by speaking carelessly. He has always been blunt and speaks harshly. Something people around him has a hard time getting used to, that's why he rarely talks to people who isn't one of his idiot friends who knows exactly the extent of his potty mouth. But Soonyoung isn't one of them. Not yet.

 **"Nah, can't even remember them. 's fine"** Soonyoung smiled, not really caring.

Maybe it was pity, or maybe it was fondness, but Jihoon decided to drop the subject. And gave a pointed glare at Seungkwan to do the same. Instead, Jihoon got a napkin and proceeded to wipe the chocolate on Soonyoung's cheek.

Soonyoung is just so adorable and soft. He's so kind that Jihoon can't help but develop this kind of feeling where he wants to protect him and take care of him. Which is something new since he can't even take care of himself. But his instincts and reflexes are faster than his brain, because before he knows it,h he's already babying Soonyoung. And based on the beam Soonyoung just sent his way, he's not bothered by it.

**"Just because he doesn't have parents doesn't mean he can't be rich"** Mingyu mumbled in between bites and Jihoon looked at him disgustingly. Mingyu isn't a messy eater, but he doesn't trust him not to be messy when he's running his mouth loose with his cheeks full of foods. And Jeonghan agrees with him

**"Yeah, he could be an heir for all we know. His parents died, yada yada, and then he inherited this big ass mansion and company. He has a black card, Ji. He's rich as fuck"**

Jihoon just rolled his eyes and didn't speak. It's not like his opinion matters anyway, and it's not like Soonyoung's money is a big deal. Jihoon just doesn't want people to take advantage of Soonyoung's kindness. It's not like his friends would, or he would, but he can't let them get used to being spoiled by Soonyoung. It just doesn't feel right. Whether he's rich or not, it's still his money they're wasting. And Jihoon doesn't like that.

 **"Do you think he lives in a mansion?"** Mingyu blinked at them, seriously contemplating the answer.

 **"He can be? I mean, have you seen his car? He definitely lives in a mansion"** Chan appeared and proceeded to sit down beside Mingyu to steal his food. But since Mingyu is kind of a softie, he just offered the food to him which Chan gladly took.

 **"He has a car?'** Jihoon asked.

 **"Oh yeah, he doesn't drive them often. But he does use the car every saturday. Since that's the time our practice runs up until late. He even gives junhui hyung and minghao hyung a ride since they live a little bit far from the studio as well"** Right, Jihoon forgot. Chan might not be in college yet, but he does attend the same dance school with Soonyoung.

It was purely on accident when Jihoon found out about it. It was last month, and he was still helping Soonyoung with a song at that time. They were at the studio late, but Jihoon had forgotten an important paper that was due the next day, so he asked Chan to bring it in his studio. And when his cousin arrived, Chan immediately fling himself to Soonyoung. Which is kind of surprising since the boy absolutely hates being babied by their friends, but looking at the way Soonyoung squished his cheeks. He looks like he's enjoying it when the babying comes from Soonyoung.

 **"So? What's his car?"** Jeonghan looks interested but Chan just shrugged.

 **"Dunno? im not good with cars, but it's kind of a lambo or something"** Chan continued to devour his food while all of them has their jaw dropped.

Until Jeonghan spoke...

**"Do you think we can use his place for a party?"**

Soonyoung was just looking at them with surprise and confusion etched on his face. Jihoon stayed at the back, away from his annoying friends while they convince Soonyoung that throwing a party in the middle of semester is a good idea.

 **"I...don't have a mansion? I mean, I'm not even rich? I told you this before guys"** Soonyoung chuckled at them, very nonchalant at the way three of their friends crowds him.

 **"You have a lambo"** Junhui deadpanned.

**"And?"**

**"That shit is like super expensive, if you can buy one of those. I'm pretty sure you can have a mansion!"**

Soonyoung laughed loudly at them, shaking his head in amusement. And Jihoon is seriously gonna die becuase of his embarrassment. Why is he here again? He's not even needed here.

**"I have a flat. A very boring flat. It's not small, but not big either. We can have a party there if that would satisfy you guys"**

**"Soonyoung no"** Jihoon finally spoke, two hyenas glaring at him and Soonyoung just tilting his head to look at him.

 **"You can't keep saying yes to them. Just say no, for goodness sake"** Jihoon groaned but Soonyoung just smiled. His cheeks crowding his eyes that made it disappear. It was cute, Jihoon gotta admit.

**"Nah, it's no problem. As long as you guys would help me clean and all, also no one's touching my room."**

**"That's settled then! Party this friday!"** Jeonghan clapped his hand and the other idiot just shouted in delight. Jihoon feels like a headache is coming.

 **"You mad?"** Soonyoung nudged his side. Jihoon looked at him.

**"why would I be?"**

Soonyoung shrugged, a small pout forming in his lips. Making him look like a pouting hamster. It's cute, because everything Soonyoung does is cute.

 **"I'm not mad, I have no reason to be. But you should really learn how to say no to people. At this point, people would take advantage of you"** Jihoon told him, a frown etching his face as he thinks about how awful people can be and people like Soonyoung can be a target easily. Jihoon keeps repeating this but Soonyoung is a person with a big heart. He might even be kidnap and he might end up helping his kidnappers if he deemed the reason valid for taking him.

 **"I'm not that good of a person, ji"** Soonyoung laughed at him. And Jihoon rolled his eyes. Not good, my ass.

In the three months he had known the other guy, he had never seen him mad or raise his voice. He smiles even when a person is being rude at him, he once helped an ajhumma carry her bag. He helps kids cross the street. Gives his seat on the bus to women. Let his donsaengs steal his food and still buy them whatever they want. He tries his best to make people laugh, and he's not afraid to look like an idiot just to make someone smile. He's everything that is good in the world.

 **"Whatever you say"** Jihoon shrugged.

 **"So you going?"** Soonyoung asked him, but he just shrugged.

Jihoon doesn't really know how he became friends with the likes of Yoon Jeonghan or Wen junhui who are very famous for being partygoers and partymakers when he himself hates parties. He hates loud places, and partner that with alcohol and smoke? That's just hell. He would rather sleep than waste a night.

 **"You should"** Soonyoung smiled at him, his eyes shining, one that rivals the stars. And Jihoon looked away. He might say yes solely because of his eyes, and that's something Jihoon doesn't understand why or what he would like to think about.  
  


Jihoon ended up going to the party. Not because of Soonyoung (maybe that's a part of it) but because he can't give a valid reason to Seungcheol why he's not going, and Yoon Jeonghan is scary when he wants to be. Also, Seungkwan won't shut up until he stood up and dragged hismelf to the bathroom to tidy up a bit.

Jihoon went with Seungkwan, Mingyu and Chan. And he was the only one who was not surprised when their taxi stopped in front of a luxurius condominium. He fully expected it, given that Chan already disclose to them that he owns a lamborghini.

 **"Well damn, I feel underdress"** Mingyu whined and all three of them looked dubiously at him.

 **"You're not one to talk, you could wear a garbage bag and make it look expensive so shut up"** Jihoon grumbled already getting inside the place. Leaving the other three still gaping.

**"Is that Jihoon hyung complimenting me? Hyung are you really saying I'm handsome? Are you-"**

**"please shut up, we're not even in the party yet but I already want to sock you on the face"**

That made the younger shut up, and they silently rode the elevator up to the 15th floor. When they arrived, the floor was kind of deserted that they have second guess if they did get off the right floor or if the others sent them the right address. But then the only door that was visible on the left side opened, and reveal the owner himself.

 **"Oh! Hi guys!"** Soonyoung waved at them, and all of them sighed in relief. Reassured now that they are on the right place.

Jihoon stopped in his tracks when he finally got a good look on him because _damn_. His eyes swept from how his ice blond hair is slicked up, showing his forehead and accenting the features of his face even more. His slanted eyes are colored with black eye liner, making his eyes stand out, and making them more intimidating than they already are. He's wearing a simple black shirt but it was small enough that his muscles are defined through the thin clothes. He has his shirt tucked in and oh god, is he wearing leather pants? Jihoon thinks this is the hottest he has ever seen of him.

 **"You might want to stop drooling"** Seungkwan smirked at him, purposely bumping on him to go through the door. He was left alone with Soonyoung infront of him.

 **"is there something wrong Jihoonie?"** Soonyoung asked him, and Jihoon gulped. Now he really does feel underdress. He's just wearing a big blue bad in bad hoodie, and a clean pair of ripped jeans he saw in his closet. It's not even close to decent.

 **"yeah, let's go inside"** he said and didn't wait for Soonyoung to answer.

Soonyoung's place isn't a mansion like he said. But it was large, unlike his claim. he gave Soonyoung a deadpanned stare but Soonyoung just beamed at him before pulling him in the heart of the party.

It was like half of the university is present. He saw a glimpse of his friends here and there but was immediately caught up by the mass. Even the three idiots he came with has disappeared, and the only reason he hasn't lost Soonyoung is because the guy has a safe grip on his wrist.

He stopped, turned around and frowned at Soonyoung. Who immediately bend down for him, so Jihoon called shout at his ear since the music is so loud in the room. He was immediately bombarded by Soonyoung's perfume. His nose filling with the scent of something musky and sweet. It wasn't strong, in fact it was so subtle that Jihoon doubt he'll be able to sniff it out if he wasn't this close to him.

 **"Kitchen"** Jihoon grumbled, once Soonyoung gave him a look of confusion. Thankfully, Soonyoung understood and just pulled him to the direction of what he assumes is the kitchen.

Allthroughout the night, jihoon stayed close to Soonyoung. Only because he seems to be the only friend he has that is still sober. The red cup he has been holding since they arrived has been refilled so many times, but Soonyoung still walks straight and doesn't even smell like alcohol. Which makes him frown. Jihoon himself doesn't drink much. After two drinks given to him, he started to refuse the rest. And Soonyoung acted as a bodyguard everytime someone becomes too pushy.

 **"You're not drunk"** Jihoon mumbled, they're currently sitting in a small circle with a few of their friends and some university people Jihoon doesn't intend to know the names of.  
 **"I'm not"** Soonyoung confirmed, pulling him closer when somebody joined to sit their circle, he obliged and now there's not even a tiny space between them. Jihoon reasoned that it's only because it's crowded, but honestly he just likes the way he's pressed on Soonyoung's side.  
 **"But you've been drinking since earlier"** Soonyoung laughed at him, and Jihoon felt a little bit offended. But then Soonyoung passed him the red cup he's holding. Even confused, Jihoon took it.  
 **"It's water. There's some beer bottles I kept that only has water inside so that i can pretend to drink"** Soonyoung grinned at him, looking all too smug at his idea. Jihoon looked at the clear liquied insdie the cup and proceeded to sniff it. And when he can't smell anything, he took a drink and it is, in fact, just water.  
 **"What the fuck, that's smart"** Jihoon grumbled, putting the cup on the floor in front of Soonyoung.  
 **"So you haven't drink any alcohol tonight?"** Jihoon asked, Soonyoung shook his head and pointed towards Jeonghan who's laughing with Seungcheol and Joshua.  
 **"I had a beer when those three arrived, can't really say no to Yoon Jeonghan. But that's it. I don't like alcohol that much. Tastes like shit"** Soonyoung scrunched his face that shouldn't look cute but he's just so adorable, it made Jihoon laughed.  
 **"Somehow I knew you would say that."** Jihoon started to yawn just as he finish his sentence.  
 **"Tired?"**  
 **"It's past 2 am, kwon. Of course I'll be tired"** He grumbled. Wanting to just lie there on the floor.  
 **"Here"** Soonyoung put his arms around him, and now he's directly staring on his chest and damn, his perfume still hasn't fade. Maybe it was because he's kind of tipsy, or he's just tired, he didn't give a damn at how inappropriate they are being at the time and just snuggled closer so that he'll be comfortable. He put all his weight to him, and relaxed. Letting sleep cloud his brain.  
  
**"This is why people thinks you're a couple"** Jihoon heard someone say. He didn't know that they were talking about him and Soonyoung until he felt and heard Soonyoung himself speak.

 **"Do we look good together? I mean, who wouldn't like someone so small and so pretty? He's so dainty"** Maybe if he was sober, he would hear the compliment in Soonyoung's voice. Maybe he'll blush and look away flustered. But in his drunk and tired state, it only registered as an insult. For some reason, he heard it as mocking and the irritation in his skin stirred him away from any peace he was experiencing earlier.

Abruptly, he pushed Soonyoung away. Which surprised the taller since he thought that he was sleeping. Without even waiting for his reaction, Jihoon stood up and fled the scene.

He was almost at the elevator when somebody gripped his wrist, which he immediately removed.

 **"What do you want?"** He can see the surprise in Soonyoung's face with how cold his stance is. But honestly, it has been a long night. He's tired and his head is aching, he couldn't careless about Soonyoung when there's a bed waiting for him at home.

**"Did I say something wrong?"**

**"whatever"** Jihoon was glad that the elevator opened but Soonyoung stopped the door from closing, preventing him from getting away.

 **"For goodness sake, Kwon. i just want to sleep and away from you and your humiliation!"** he screamed. Which caught Soonyoung off guard. But instead of losing his cool, Soonyoung just sighed,

 **"I'm sorry if I offended you. I was trying to compliment you but if they were the wrong things to say, I really do apologize. I didn't know, but that was not an excuse to run my mouth just like that."** Soonyoung gave him a small, hesitant smile. And Jihoon just stared at him because did Soonyoung just apologized? just like that? Without even defending himself, he just accepted his mistake and apologized? Jihoon blinked at him. He knows the guy is kind, but this is another level of saint. Who on earth apologizes that quickly and sincerely?

 **"JI? forgive me?"** Soonyoung honestly looked like a kicked puppy now, and Jihoon really can't help but give in.

 **"Okay"** he mumbled which brought the smile in Soonyoung's face again.

 **"Great! Now let's go back!"** Soonyoung was about to pull him out of the still open elevator but jihoon shook his head.

**"I'm really tired, soonyoung. I just want to sleep"**

**"I have a bed. It's late. I'm too tired to drive and I won't let you go home alone in this time. Sleep on my room"**

**"But you just said that no one should go to your room-"**

**"Yeah that's because I don't want any alcohol or smoke or puke in my room. Come on, You better sleep there"**

Soonyoung pulled him towards his place once again, but this time they didn't stop to converse or get any drink. Jihoon isn't even paying attention where Soonyoung is bringing him until they stopped in front of a door.

Since Jihoon was so sleepy and tired, he didn't bother checking out the room. he just let Soonyoung push him into the bed, tuck him in, and close all the lights.

 **"I'll lock the door so no one will disturb you, yeah?"** he hummed and he felt him brush his hair before he succumbed to sleep.


	4. Shoot me and go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm back! Fair warning, this is getting gruesome. And also, another remainder: This is a work of fiction, I am in no way condoning any violence or shit like that. Don't judge me 😭😭😭
> 
> Anyways, enjoy reading! Follow me on twitter for more Soonhoon content 🥰🥰🥰
> 
> @WeShipAndWeSail

_"As if going crazy, bewitch by something_

_Two beasts, With their gaze heating up_

_Chasing its prey, We never lose a thing_

_Do not worry about that, If you're confident_

_Ay Shoot me and go"_

_The man doesn't know how long he has been held hostage. The room he was in doesn't have any windows at all. Not even a small one to show the light outside. Here in the small room, he felt like he's suspended in air. There's nothing to tell the time. Although that would be useless since his eyes had been taken out. Destroyed by poison before it was carved out. The only thing that indicates that he's still alive and keeping him sane is his breathing._

_A thousand and three hundred breathes later that day, he heard footsteps._

_He shivered. He can hear the scrape of his shoes. Left foot, Right foot... Left, Right. Left, Right._

_This close, he can hear his breathe too. Calm, always so calm, and even. Breathe in, Breathe out. In, and then out. In, out._

_He trembled when he felt the cold sting of alcohol on his skin, the smell of antiseptic spreading in the air around him._

_**"These are nasty cuts"** The guy, his captor said. His voice low and gentle. As if he's doing it so he won't scare a wounded animal. His gentle words are partnered with gentle hands. Slowly, he pressed oitments and valves to the cuts on his skin. It was so deliberate._

_**"This is why mothers tell their kids not to play too much outside, you know. So that you won't get hurt."** The man told him once he had finished cleaning all of his wounds, well the new ones._

**_"It's just unfortunate you played with the wrong person. You shouldn't have touched him, you know. Then you wouldn't be here"_ **

_He started to tremble again. Because this is what his captor does. He cleans his wound, so so gently. And then add new ones harshly. Sometimes it's a simple cut, a knife would slowly touch his skin, and drag across it until there's a deep, long cut. Sometimes, the killer is playful than normal. Pouring hot wax on him, letting it burn his skin, then when it dries, peels it off. Then repeating the process again and again. And if the killer is in a really bad mood, he would proceed on mutilating his body. He had started with his fingers, now only six of them left. He had already lost his eyes and his teeth, all taken out by his captor. His left nipple has been pulled out by pliers, the right burned with hot metal._

_His captor would torture him for days, and clean him afterwards. Only so he can hurt him much worse. And at this point, he has been begging him to kill him. But his captor would laugh, and say that he's not done playing with him._

_**"You shouldn't have touched Lee Jihoon"** He wasn't able to hold his scream, not expecting his captor to twist his shoulder._

_He tried to remember the name. Lee Jihoon? Who the fuck is Lee Jihoon! He can't even remember his own name! He has been trapped here for so long, been in pain for so long. He can't remember anything anymore!_

_**"He doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve to be touched by your filthy hands"** He screamed once again when his captor now twisted his left wrist._

**_"STOP! PLEASE STOP! I DON'T KNOW HIM! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"_ **

_He was sobbing once again. But he was so relieved when his captor stopped. He can hear him breathing. But he doesn't have any idea what he was doing until he heard the scrape of a chair, dragging it over, closer to him._

_He felt him hold his arm, caressing it slowly, barely touching his skin. It was so soft compared to what he knows his captor is about to do._

_He wasn't wrong, because a few minutes later he felt a sharp thing digging on his arm, dragging over in intricate curves. This time he stilled and swallowed down the pain._

_**"It was exactly three months from now, it was night, I guess? And I wasn't around because I have a job to do. I only found out about it when he refused to go out and see anyone the next day. I was so mad"** His captor spoke slowly as he draws on his skin with a knife. His words doesn't makes sense to him. His brain only registering the pain in his body, the throbbing of his shoulder and his wrist, the sting of his cuts._

_**"I got the gist from our friends, but got the video from the club itself. You touched him. Played with him. And tried to rape him. Does that ring a bell?"** he shook his head. He might've done that. He might've. But he can't remember. He can't think. There's so much pain, and that's all he knows._

**_"He's so pure, and so beautiful for you to take advantage like that. He doesn't deserve that stress and that trauma but you just can't keep it on your pants. He deserves all the beautiful things in life, but you just have to show him how fucked up this world is. I've been protecting him, and you just destroyed that the moment I took off my eyes on him, you fucker. No one is allowed to hurt him, or to make him sad, or to do something to him without his consent. And you did all of that. So I'm gonna punish you. Until you just wished you were never born"_ **

_Glimpses. and scattered memories float in his head. A club in Itaewon. A small, petite guy. He remembered trying to kiss him. He remembered being so drunk, and being so high. He remembered inhaling drugs. He remembered screaming and crying._

_**"I'm sorry! i'm sorry! Please I'm sorry!"** He kept repeating, sobbing and begging. Desperate for his captor to just stop. Or kill him. Anything. Just to stop this continuous torture._

**_"Your sorry isn't worth anything to me or to him. I'm not finished playing with you, and I'll keep doing that until you die from the pain. I'm not gonna kill you, no. I'm just gonna hurt you so so much until your body gives up on you"_ **

_The last thing he remembered is the pain in between his legs, before he passed out._

* * *

It was movie night. A monthly excuse to meet each other now that they are so busy in their third year in college. All thirteen of them are present in some form. Most sleeping through the movie playing, some still trying to do some work left and right, and there are a few like him who is actually watching the movie that was playing. Seokmin was the one who chose the movie, but he was also the first one to fall asleep. But jihoon can understand. He's studying to be a doctor afterall, that's really hardcore.

The man currently sleeping on his lap squirmed. So Jihoon looked down, and found Soonyoung's face contorted into a frown. Lines appearing on his forehead, his lips forming a small pout and his nose subtly crunching. It was cute. But it also made Jihoon worry if he's having a bad dream or an unpleasant sleep.

So he gently massaged his forehead, and then proceeding on gently playing with his hair. Hoping that in some way, the boy would find comfort.

He knew that Soonyoung has been in a lot of stress lately, three years in college and he's gone so far now that he has three stage performances for the end of the year showcase, while still guiding the younger ones and competing in a competition with his own dance group. Not to mention that he still has a job after school too.

They were so busy they rarely spend time together. They do see each other everyday, though. Jihoon taking his time to buy lunch or dinner, whatever he remembers, to bring to Soonyoung who is so busy with Choreographies and practice. And Soonyoung in return waits for him, so they could go home together ( _Jihoon thinks it was because of guilt. It's almost half a year since that incident happened, but he knows Soonyoung is still guilty that he wasn't there when it happened and is still scared that it might happen again_ ).

He yawned, which caught Seungcheol's attention.

**"You should sleep, your eyebags are weighing you down to hell"** Some of their friends who heard hid a laugh, or a snicker. But Jihoon is tired too, so he didn't bother to take the bait. While it would be nice to release his pent up frustration by being grumpy and shouting at his friends, he can't afford to wake Soonyoung up. He deserves to rest. Which he says as much.

**"Don't wanna stand up"** He yawned at the end of his sentence, but he still doesn't stop playing with Soonyoung's hair. He didn't even notice that he's still doing it.

**"Suit yourself. But there's a free room, somewhere. You and Soonyoung would be more comfortable there"** Seungcheol said, but he just hummed. 

He's so tired. Well, all of them are. With their three oldest graduating, and half of them in their third and second years in college respectively, it was understandable that the workload is harder than normal, taking a toll to everyone's mental and physical state. Jihoon likes to believe he's on the tougher side, he has been known to work best under pressure and is the most workaholic amongst his friends. He's tired, but it's something he has been used to so it doesn't matter much to him.

Without him noticing, his eyes are falling shut, and he was sent to dreamland.

He woke up when somebody lifted him up, his body curling over somebody's chest. This is where alarm bells should be ringing in his head, but once he get a whip of the scent of the person carrying him, his mind and body relaxed totally.

He whined when he felt Soonyoung put him down on the bed, the room too cold for his liking but it died down fast after he felt blankets wrapped around him. Even in his hazy state, he held on to the last of his consciousness and waited for Soonyoung to join him in bed. It's nothing new, Soonyoung is one of his most trusted friend. He would even go so far as to call him his bestfriend. Since they met in their first year, Soonyoung has stuck around. Creating a space for himself in Jihoon's life, and Jihoon is just so comfortable around him to do anything about it. Whenever the other boy is around, he felt so safe. So secured. And it has always been in the open how they take care of each other best since they both have the same stubborn ass and workaholic attitude. It's not really a surprise that they can't be separated anymore.

**"Kwon"** He groaned when it has been awhile but there's no movement in the room indicating that somebody is in the room with him. With a sigh, he forced his eyes open. Looking around the room before he spot his phone on the table. He grabbed it, and with sluggish movement, he padded out of the room to look for the idiot. 

He looked at the time on his phone, and groaned once again when he saw that it's 3 in the morning and he should be sleeping. But his mind won't stop now if he's not sure that Soonyoung is sleeping as well. The living room was a mess. Seungkwan and Hansol had the floor to themselves, curled together and sleeping peacefully. He's tempted to take a picture, just to gloat to Seungkwan the feelings he keeps on denying. There's Chan who's on top of Seokmin on the large couch, with Joshua besides them and Jihoon could only wonder how the fuck can they sleep comfortably together like that. He was about to step closer to look for Soonyoung on the other rooms when he saw him on the balcony.

Jihoon stopped.

Soonyoung has a phone in his ear, appearing to be talking to somebody. But what's curious is he definitely saw Soonyoung's phone on the table earlier, just besides Jihoon's. And the one Soonyoung's holding is definitely an older version of a mobile phone. Considering it's a flip phone that is rarely sold these days. 

Jihoon wanted to get closer, but the aura and just the expression of the other boy stopped him. There's...a harshness on his face he had never seen before. The usual shine and warmth on his eyes replaced by a cold, deadly stare. His usual pouty lips set in a straight line and even though there's no frown in his face, the displease is evident. Jihoon swallowed down a nagging feeling in his head. His instincts telling him to run, to hide, to get away from this man.

And he can't understand it.

Because for once, he felt something towards Soonyoung that isn't admiration. It's something akin to fear, but Jihoon doesn't know why.

He stepped closer, slowly. And hid between the curtains. He didn't bother opening the door to the balcony, the small gap is enough for him to hear something. He doesn't know why he's doing this. 

_This_ , disregarding all red lights in his brain telling him not to do this and that this is so wrong but a larger part of him, the part of him that had never seen this kind of Soonyoung, made him stay.

**"-know the rules. I'm expecting the money on my account tomorrow morning. If it's not there...well, won't it be a shame?"**

He shivered hearing him speak. It was so so different at the way Soonyoung usually sounds. It lacks the affection, the warmth that is always present on Soonyoung's voice. This was just flat, monotonous. Impersonal. Things that Jihoon never thought he would ever associate with him.

**"-hope you won't regret this decision"** Jihoon peeked outside, curious as always. If he's a cat, he would've been dead, nine lives over.

He watched as Soonyoung removed the cover of his flip phone, bringing out the microsim on it before taking out a lighter. His eyes widening when Soonyoung proceeded on lighting the microsim on fire.

So whatever Soonyoung's doing, and whoever he's talking, is definitely a secret. Considering how he just used another device, and destroyed any trace. Jihoon's mind begin plotting. He looked outside once, and then twice, before quietly going back to the room. His mind running from one place to another.

Jihoon doesn't know why but he felt so off guard. He thought he knew everything about Soonyoung. They've been friends for three years, except for his job, he thought he had memorized everything about him.

His job...

_That's when it him like a lightning._

It must be about Soonyoung's job. He did heard something about money. He tried to remember anything related to Soonyoung's job. Honestly, they never really talked about it. At first Jihoon thought he's just lying. Soonyoung is basically swimming in money. He owns a luxurious apartment in Gangnam, a Lamborghini most college students don't have, and not to mention the black card he still lets the younger ones abuse. He thought the boy is just shy about his money and all that, so he's covering it up about having a job. But then once in awhile, Soonyoung would be late from their dinner, sometimes he's absent on their weekly or monthly gatherings because of his job. They tried to ask him, Jeonghan and Wonwoo can be persistent when they want, but Soonyoung would just laugh and always manages to change the topic subtly. Until the topic of his employment is forgotten. They got tired with asking so they just naturally forget about it, if he's not comfortable with sharing about his job, it's not a big deal. As long as it's legal and it won't lead to him being hurt.

But...Jihoon shouldn't really jump into conclusion. But what if he never said anything because it IS illegal?

Jihoon closed his eyes, trying to remember any spill or pattern from Soonyoung's job. He doesn't have a fix time, that's for sure. He'll suddenly disappear and when he comes back he just says that it's because of his job. He once went to Busan for his job, that's why he ditched them that night Jihoon was almost raped. He once saw a brown envelope on Soonyoung's car and he snatched it up before Jihoon can read it, saying it's confidential and it's for a job. And God, everything is pointing to something bad.

Is it actually illegal?

Jihoon's head is aching. He looked at the bedside table where Soonyoung's phone is plugged. He wanted to search it, for any clue at all. But then Soonyoung doesn't even have a password on his phone, claiming that he'll just forget it and lock himself out. He's also the one who holds it most of the time when they're out or when the boy is practicing. Damn he even uses it to play and has downloaded every game he knows. So he can't be hiding something in there considering Jihoon uses it more than he does.

**"Jihoonie? Why are you still awake?"** He startled when the door opened and revealed the man in his thoughts. The man tilted his head in a gesture of confusion. Any trace of the man he saw earlier gone, replaced with the usual Soonyoung he knows and Jihoon is suddenly buffled. Was he dreaming? Was he sleep walking and just imagined everything?

**"Where were you?"** Jihoon asked, and he expected Soonyoung to panic. Or show any sign of distress. But Soonyoung shrugged and happily sighed before diving on the bed.

_"_ **Seungcheol hyung is annoying. He won't let me go out from his room until he had finished the entire 4 cans of beer. Jihoonie, im so sleepy."**

Soonyoung proceeded on curling into a ball, but Jihoon is still stuck in his head.

**"Seungcheol hyung is still awake?"** He asked, he can tell that the doubt is obvious in his voice. 

**"Hmmm... he was on the verge of sleep when I left. Let's sleep, jihoonie"** Soonyoung tried to grab him but Jihoon stood up fast. Reflex, maybe, he doesn't know.

**"I'll just go to the bathroom** " Jihoon said, and didn't wait for the reply before going out of the room.

He lied, why would he go out of the room just to go to the comfort room when there's a perfectly working bathroom on the room they were currently at? He shook his head and went to the door he knows is Seungcheol. Without bothering to knock, he opened the door.

Seungcheol was on the bed asleep, phone in hand and Jihoon noted the stench of alcohol in the air. Just like what Soonyoung had said, cans of beer are littered on the floor and there are even bottles of Soju. He was about to close the door and go back when Seungcheol groaned, probably from the light coming from Jihoon is standing, and opened his eyes.

**"What?"** He grumbled.

**"Was Soonyoung here?"** Jihoon asked. And Seungcheol stared at him for a few seconds.

**"...He didn't drink, if that's what you're asking. He just saw me drinking, and stayed with me until I finished them. But he didn't drink. Stop being such a mom to him."** Seungcheol then rolled away from him, his head hiding between his pillows. 

Jihoon blinked.

...What just happened? If Soonyoung was with Seungcheol what did he just witnessed minutes before? He slowly backed away from the room, and when he passed the balcony, he stared hard at the now locked balcony. He closed his eyes, was he so delirious earlier that he imagined a whole scenario? Was he that tired?

**"Jihoonie? You okay?"** Jihoon looked at the worried expression Soonyoung has. Yes, he must be imagining it. There's no way his Soonyoung can pull off being that cruel.

He sighed.

**"Yeah, let's sleep"** He mumbled, and a small bright smile was sent to him. Making him believe all the more that what he witnessed earlier was just a product of his tiredness.

When they got back in the room, Soonyoung pulled him down, and curled his body around him. Pulling him close to his chest, and securing him under his chin.

**"I won't be able to eat dinner with you tomorrow"** Soonyoung mumbled. Jihoon hummed to show he's listening.

**"My uncle called, I need to sort some things with him"** There was a pout on his voice, and Jihoon grimaced. Jihoon knew about Soonyoung's complicated relationship with his uncle, knew that he never really got along with him and only meets him when necessary. He suddenly felt pity for the boy.

**"You'll be okay"** Jihoon patted the arms circled around his waist, and felt Soonyoung pull him closer.

**"Don't go anywhere, okay? No clubs, or bars, or late night studio. I will be using my car so I won't be able to let you borrow it-"**

**"Stop worrying, soon. I'll be staying here the whole day tomorrow anyway. I think Cheol need someone right now"** Jihoon told him and he felt him exhale and relax.

**"Good then, night Jihoonie"**

**"Night Soons"**

True to his words, Soonyoung left right after eating lunch with them. Excusing himself and saying something about his uncle. Nobody questioned it, since all of them is aware of his family situation. He received a couple of text from Soonyoung through out the day, and even a selfie where he's wearing something formal for once (Jihoon almost swooned). And in return, Jihoon as promised, spend the day with Seungcheol.

**"...so remember your ex in highschool?"** Seungcheol asked once they're eating dinner, just watching a random movie on netflix. He raised his eyebrows at him.

**"Which one?"**

**"Kang Daniel? 3rd year highschool, ring any bell?"** Ah. Jihoon remember alright. 

They dated for a year, or more. Only breaking up when he found out about how Daniel has been suffering because of their relationship. Apparently, his parents knew he was gay but never really accepted it. And when Jihoon came into the picture as his boyfriend, things got worse for him. So Jihoon decided to let him go. They were young, and Jihoon decided that a relationship like that isn't worth choosing over your family. Sure he loved Daniel, and was really hurt about the break up, but Jihoon thought it was the right thing to do.

**"yeah, what about him?"** He asked, suddenly conscious. About what, he doesn't know.

**"Saw him in the uni yesterday. Asked about you. Said he saw you with Soonyoung on the dance department. I remember him saying about transferring here, or something"**

Jihoon honestly doesn't know how to react. He has long forgotten about Daniel. He moved on, and found something better now. So he doesn't understand why Seungcheol is saying this now.

**"...okay?"**

Seungcheol stared at him for a moment. Before going back on the movie, and shoving food in his mouth.

**"He asked if you and Soonyoung is together"**

Jihoon honest to God choked on his own spit. His ears getting beet red, and his face flushing.

**"Stop looking so surprised. People have been mistaking the both of you together since day one. Why can't you just, I dont know, confess or something?"**

He glared at Seungcheol, but he just gave him a hard look. As if challenging him to deny his feelings, or to lie in his face. Jihoon scoffed.

**"we're not like that"** He grumbled, choosing to put rice in his mouth than saying anything unnecessary.

**"But you want too. Hell, Jihoon. He freaked out so hard-"**

**"Don't. Just... don't. I'm not ready for that, neither he is. I'm just enjoying the fact that I have all of his attention."** Seungcheol rolled his eyes at him.

**"What if somebody come along, and monopolize his attention? His affection? what would you do then?"**

The thought alone made his heart squeeze, like it's being suffocated. But Jihoon paid it no mind. And simply shrugged before continuing on eating.

**"I'll be happy for him, then"** He finally said, minutes later.

**"You're a big ass liar, you can't even convince yourself."**

Jihoon chose to stay silent after that, letting the topic drop.

Jihoon isn't gonna lie, he has been attracted to Soonyoung ever since they met. Damn, his first thought at seeing him was how to kiss the guy. But he managed to bury them, his admiration turning into friendship. And he was glad because he can't even imagine if Soonyoung isn't in his life now. He can control his feelings yes, but he can't help but love him, more than a friend entails. But you can't honestly blame him.

Soonyoung is wonderful. He's witty and funny, never failing to make everyone's day a little bit brighter whenever he's around. He's such a sweetheart that doesn't want to see anyone sad, or upset. He makes sure that everyone is okay, physically and mentally. And doing all sorts of things to make someone happy. He puts people first before himself, and even though he has money, he never once brag about it. He's also passionate about his art, and knows no limit when it comes to creativity. He's disciplined and patient. Soonyoung is just everything good in the world, and Jihoon thinks he would gladly give his to Soonyoung if it means ensuring his happiness. Jihoon just wants Soonyoung to be happy.

That night, Jihoon stayed at Seungcheol's place. Only because Soonyoung has sent a message about not going home alone. He sent a messaged back, and was glad when he received a selca in return.

He noticed how Soonyoung is out even if it's late, although a little bit dark, Jihoon can see trees behind him if he zoomed in the photo. As if he's in a forest out in the open. Right, Soonyoung did tell him earlier that he's gonna go camping with his uncle and cousins as a part of a celebration. Soonyoung didn't elaborate further, and Jihoon didn't ask more since Soonyoung seems to really hate to be there. Jihoon sighed, wishing Soonyoung just stayed here with him.

He threw his phone away, wrapping the blankets around him. His eyes closing even if his mind is still full of Soonyoung. Something is nagging in his head that he's missing some part, some story. It's on the end of his tongue, but he can't seem to grasp it. Annoyed, Jihoon chose to ignore the feeling. Until he can feel his eyes slowly getting heavier.

He woke up with Seungcheol badly shaking him. He let out a loud growl as a warning but Seungcheol appears to not care as he only drag Jihoon up before he can even open his eyes.

**"Choi Seungcheol what the fuck are-"**

**"You have to fucking see this!"** There was something urgent on his tone, something like fear. It was enough to wake Jihoon up, his mind jumping to the worse case scenario.

**"Look!"**

Jihoon did look, at the television that is showing another gruesome news. At first he didn't understand it. Just seeing something about a mutilated body of a man found somewhere in the outskirts of Ilsan. It was one of the kills of that killer once again. The infamous Hoshi who drew a single star using the blood of his victims every time he kills somebody. It was cruel, yes. But Jihoon doesn't understand why Seungcheol has to wake him up just for this news. Until the news showed the face and the name of the victim.

_Jung Ilhoon, 26 years old._

Jihoon honestly don't know how to feel.

He remembers the guy alright. How can he even forget? The guy fucking touched him, and almost raped him if Minghao didn't came and beat the shit out of him. He felt so dirty afterwards, even if the guy barely touched him. Still, it took him a month before he can even go out in public again. And two more months before he can go out at night. It was terrifying, the experience itself was disgusting but the trauma later on was something hard to drive away. Up until today, even when it has been more than 6 months since it happened, he's still dealing with the nightmares and the anxiety the incident brought him.

**"Jihoonie"** He looked at the person who called his name. He didn't even notice that Soonyoung has arrived, or that he was there. But he didn't waste time and run to hug him. Curling his body small as if Soonyoung can hide him from the world. Which Soonyoung did. He hold him tight, pressing him against his body, and making him feel safe all over again.

**"I'm here, Jihoonie. No one can hurt you again as long as I'm here"**

* * *

_A/N: If you noticed, Jihoon's question was "Was Soonyoung here?" He didn't elaborate about the time, or anything that's why Seungcheol confirmed. Thinking that Jihoon is just worried about Soonyoung drinking._

_Also the first part happened three months ago, the present where the guy was found is already 6 months. So, there's a window of time in there, you might get confused guys. Hihihi._

_That's all. Bye._


	5. Flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back. And my dignity has left me. I wrote this chapter in the office, and forgot to send it to my email. So I had to ask my boss (wc is my crush) to send it to me and hopefully he won't judge me too hard because I'm writing gay fics 😂😂😂
> 
> WARNING: This chapter has Violence (as always), Sexual harassment, and references to trauma. Please be advised that if you are not comfortable with it, don't read it. Safety first, guys.
> 
> ALSO. First chapter with Soonyoung's POV. Enjoy my chaotic side!!!

_"Flowers always bloom and withers_

_But how come you bloom deeply inside me always_

_Although I'll get hurt if I get close to you_

_I'll still embrace you with my two arms"_

_It was supposed to be an easy job. One of the easiest, and the fastest one. The plan was simple, foolproof. He has been doing it for years to have any mistake. He has been known as someone who doesn't make mistake, not if it's about his job. He's a killer afterall. One mistake could lead to him being found out._

_He left Seoul early, told people who knows his name that he's going to Daegu because of the demand in his job. He has tickets for Daegu, just for show. But took his Black Ducati to the busy streets of Itaewon. He made sure his bright blue hair is hidden by a black cap, using his favorite blue contact lense so his rich brown eyes are hidden too. His face covered with a black mask, his black turtleneck stretched so that it'll reach his hidden lips. He doesn't have anything with him, except a lethal poison already in the syringe. He just need to inject it to the heir, after that the poison would do its job. The heir's lung would crumple, his heart would stop immediately without the oxygen pumping in his body. Within 30 minutes, his victim would keel over and die. That's it._

_What he didn't expect is to see familiar faces entering the same club his victim is currenlty lounging._

_He would know that face everywhere,_ HIS _face everywhere. He cursed. He remembered something about their friends celebrating tonight, the same one he ditched for this job. What luck he has! In more than hundreds of club in Itaewon, they choose the same one where he's supposed to do his job._

_He closed his eyes, he can't afford to let his victim slip in his grasp now that he's so close to him. But he also can't do anything when the man of his obssession, of his fantasy, the man who owns his heart, is around to witness it. Not because he's afraid that he'll find out, he's too smart for that, but he doesn't want to subject him to this kind of horror._

_Giving his boy one last look, he breathed in, and out, and started to form another plan in his head to lure his victim out. There's no way in hell now that he'll go through his original plan, not when Lee Jihoon is right there. So he went out of the club, got in his motorbike and speed away. Leaving his prey behind to form a new trap._

_It doesn't take him long. In just an hour, he decided to do the basics of things; a bullet in the head. He just wants the damn job done, and to return to Jihoon's side. So he waited at the apartment complex where the heir is said to live in with his fiance. He parked a few meters away, hidden from any cameras nearby._

_He took out his gun, a small beautiful thing. Customized down to the very core. The gun was matte black, a nighthawk AAC Recon. But it was adorned with small details, unless you look closely, you wouldn't see it. But one design marks the gun; a small tiger on the magazine holder. He made sure that the suppressor, a Heini straight eight, was in place, tight so that it won't make a sound. And when he heard a car approaching, he grinned. Without any hesitation, he aimed the gun, and fired._

_One, hit the wheel on the front. Making the car screeched, stopping unwillingly._

_Two, at the wheel on the back, just so the people inside would go out._

_Three, Bingo. his victim stepped out. And without further ado, he shot him right on the head._

_Packing his gun back to its holster, he took out a small bomb that he has been hiding on his jacket. Grinning for the last time, he throw the bomb to where the car is and drove away from there._

* * *

Jihoon can think a lot of things he would rather be doing right now. One, he can sleep. He's too tired and his limbs are starting to hate him. It wouldn't hurt if he just spend the rest of the night safely tucked under his covers. Or maybe a mukbang wouldn't hurt. He has been craving a lot of foods anyway, and because of the tracks he was creating he has been skipping meals these past few days. Much to the chagrin of his friends. He can just imagine the taste of pasta in his tongue, and he's pretty sure Soonyoung won't mind if he steals one or two bottles of wine tonight. Third, he could just stay in and watch random movies on his laptop. Or better yet, he can use Hansol's netflix account and find a random series he can marathon until he falls asleep to the couch.

But no.

Here he is, getting _dolled up_ (Seungkwan's word) and ready to spend the night club hopping with his rowdy friends. He refused at first, of course he refused. Clubs, bars, or just noisy places aren't his thing. But his friends wouldn't be his friends if they aren't as stubborn as his ass. So without really leaving him with much choice, his friends marched down to his place until they can drag him away from his cave.

He looked at his phone, frowning when he hasn't received any messages from Soonyoung tonight. Right. Everyone is present, except Soonyoung. He sighed.

Soonyoung had excused himself yesterday, saying something about a job in Daegu he needs to go to. Their friends tried to ask details about his job, they always does, but all Soonyoung does is shrug it off and change the topic. He's always so good with hooking people up about stuffs that isn't about himself. They were still passing messages up until afternoon, where Soonyoung sent a selca of him on the train station on the way to Daegu. And after receiving a confirmation later about his arrival, he had been too busy to reply to any of Jihoon's messages. God, he sounds so clingy.

It's just that besides Seungcheol and Seungkwan, the person he's closest to and most comfortable with is Soonyoung. It must be because they rarely separate since they met, or because they understand each other best because of their paralleled personality, but he considers the other boy as his bestfriend.

And the fact that he doesn't even like to be here in the first place, and his safe person is not around, made him really grumpy and hate the night even more than he should.

 **"you should stop moping and enjoy"** Jeonghan rolled his eyes at him before sliding a shot of tequila to his side of the table. He frowned down on it. He's a lightweight, and rarely drinks hard liqour solely because he hates the hangover they bring the next day.

 **"i'm starting to think that jihoon just likes hanging out with us when Soonyoung is around, and that offends me immensely considering Jihoon is my friend first"** there was a smirk on junhui's lips, his eyes gleaming with msichief and jihoon almost, _almost_ take the bait. But he only glared at them and look back down on his phone.

 **"Seriously, ji. We'll get you home, just for now, enjoy okay?"** This time, jeonghan held the shot glass right on his face. And so just they would shut up, he aggressively took it from his hand and drunk it, hearing the cheers of his friends around him.

He doesn't know what happened but one shot became two, and then three, then a bottle of beer, and a couple of cocktails later.

He's now the drunkest he has ever been in his life. He can feel the drinks he downed slosh around in his stomach, his head dizzy and really slow. The loud EDM in the club turning into a soft _thump thump_ in his ear.

 **"I need to pee"** he tried to shout over, his small body still surrounded by his friends on the dance floor.

 **"Let's go hyung!"** Mingyu took his wrist, and he's glad about the small offer of security.

There was a long line on the bathroom, 30 minutes in, Mingyu started becoming angsty and fidgety. So Jihoon told him to wait over the bar since it's less crowded but still close enough for Mingyu to still see him. Mingyu gladly obeyed, annoyed with the smokes swirling around the bathroom.

He sighed, opened his phone. And let out an annoyed groan when the light on his phone only served to annoy his eyes. Dimming the brightness a little, he opened his messages with Soonyoung. Pouting when he didn't receive anything new or recent from the other boy.

**"is he that busy"** He mumbled to himself, pocketing his phone. But then...his drunk self got a wondeful idea. See, if Jihoon is sober and has full control of his mind, he would just let it sit in and forget about Soonyoung's absence. But no, apparently, drunk jihoon is a clingy jihoon. So with a smile, he immediately dialed the other boy's phone.

It ring and it ring. Up until the call was routed to voicemail. Instead of pouting about it, he just continued to dial the number again and again. Until he finally had access to a cubicle. Jihoon figured he can just continue calling later, he did his business and went over the sink to wash his hands and his face. He was just a step out of the bathroom when suddenly a pair of arms grabbed him by the waist, lifting his small body off the floor, and proceeded on taking him out of there. He tried to scream, to get the attention of Mingyu who was just there. _Mingyu was right there_ , on the barstool looking boredly at his phone while patiently waiting for him. But the man who had a grip on his body was fast, immediately clumping a hand down on his mouth. He tried to fight, kicking his feet, wriggling against the hold, but it was of no use. The man holding him hostage effectively immobilizing him.

 **"Who the fuck are you!"** He screamed once the man had dumped him on the floor. Fear immediately traveled down all over his body. He can see the man's eyes, red as if he has been inhaling not just alcohol. He knows that look, the predatory way he looks at him and he knows that if doesn't get away now, he would either be raped or killed. So with all the adrenaline in his body, he stood up and run as fast as he can. But the man was able to grip his arm, and slammed him to the wall, hot white pain paralyzing him when his back and tailbone collided with the hard wall.

 **"Pretty, pretty thing. Won't you look great taking me?'** With that, the man gripped his neck, making him stand up. He can't fight because of the lack of air going through his body and he felt so disgusted when the man attacked his mouth with his tongue. He tasted rotten, a combination of alcohol and nicotine swirling in his tongue and he can feel his gut crunching. With enough energy left in his body, he breathed in and proceeded on biting the man's tongue. He screamed and let go of jihoon. But not even minutes later, a fist collided with his stomach.

 **"Pretty and feisty. Aren't you just perfect?"** The man grabbed his feet, pulling him until the man is in between his legs. He screamed, and shout. But the man only tightened his hold and grind down on him.

 **"Can you feel it? Can you feel me?"** The man laughed, and Jihoon, _god Jihoon felt so dirty._ Why was he here? Why did this night turned so ugly? All the fight was losing in his body. He closed his eyes, and shut his mouth tightly. Enduring the rough touches the man is doing on his body. He just wanted to die at this point.

**"GET OFF!"**

Suddenly the pressure of another body on his was gone, the mouth pressing and biting on his neck disappeared, the hands pressing down on his groin lifted. He heard shouting, and a lot more. But he can't have it in him to care. He curled into a ball. Heaving, panting, and so so disgusted. Tears finally streaming down his face.

 **"No, no, no. Jihoon, no"** He felt somebody try to hold him, but he whimpered. His body still in pain after being brutally manhandled.

 **"It's okay, uji. It's me, It's just me, okay? Come on, baby"** His brain knew it was his cousin, knew it was Jeonghan getting near him, trying to touch him. But once another skin got into contact with his, alarms started ringing in his head. Making him panic, and scream. Scared, suddenly so scared, for it to continue. For the rough touches to continue.

He screamed, sobbing, he wrapped his aching arms around himself and made himself as small as possible, hoping to just disappear.

**"Jihoon hyung, please"**

**"Cheol he's having a panic attack, I can't touch him!"**

**"Shit we gotta do something!"**

**"HYUNGS, JIHOON HYUNG IS BLEEDING!"**

**"CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW, WE'RE TAKING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!"**

He doesn't know how long he stayed like that. Curled, and pathetically crying. Wishing that he didn't go to the club, wishing that he didn't drink, wishing this is all a dream. _Please let this be a dream._

When he woke up, it was to a white ceiling and the distinct smell of alcohol in the air. He knew immediately where he is, knew immediately what happened. He can recall everything. From the hazy way he had fun, from the way his mind turned sharp with adrenaline, the way the night turned into a nightmare. He doesn't know what to address first, which emotion he should feel first. So he shuts it down. Just like what he used to do when everything is so so overwhelming, he shuts down.

 **"Jihoon-ahhh, how are you feeling?"** A hand hovered over his face, as if touching him and he immediately flinched, heart rate increasing and his breathe coming in ragged.

 **"I'm sorry, it's okay. It's me, Jihoon, it's me"** Jeonghan showed his face. Worried, and tear-stricken. Jihoon felt a bubbling anger coming to surface.

It's because of them. They were the reason this happened to him. If they didn't force him to go tonight, or made him drink those alcohols, he would've avoided this. He wouldn't be here. How dare they feel upset? How dare they feel sad? They were the reason, and yet Jihoon was the one who's on the hospital bed. The one who has to relieve everything the man did to him.

He wants to lash out, to scream, To hurt someone. To make them feel just how dirty and disgusting he feels. He wants them to hurt just how much he's hurting. He knows how wrong it is to think like that, but he feels like he's entitled to these thoughts. He's allowed to be mad, to be harsh. He's allowed to be cruel just like how the man was so cruel to him.

**"Talk to me, Jihoon-ahh...please"**

He didn't. He didn't utter a word, nor even once looked at them. He just stayed quiet, his eyes staring at nothing. He let them check his body without making a sound, still flinching whenever they touch him. He got discharged and still not talking or reacting to anything they were saying. He didn't respond, or gave any indication he's hearing them. He just blocked them out. Blocked everything out. Until he's in the comfort of his home, until he's in the comfort of his bed.

He curled again into a ball, hugging himself and cried until he can't no more.

Truth be told, Soonyoung is still shaken from last night. Still caught off guard from seeing Jihoon so close in the parameter of his next job. He had been so careful since he had met Jihoon. He has always been careful, but he gave twice the effort now that Jihoon is in his life. He made sure that each and every job is as far away as possible to him, he doesn't want even the possibility of his victim and Jihoon in one place. Seeing him last night, shook every bit of Soonyoung. Enough to make him reckless and abandon his plan.

But he had promised himself. While hiding his guns, and knives, and bombs. While burning the clothes he used that night, while he destroyed the shoes he was wearing. He promised himself, this won't happen again. He won't let his plan to have plotholes like that ever again. He'll make sure to protect Jihoon from this side of his life, protect him from the harshness of the world, protect him from everything that is ugly. That includes his job. He would never let Jihoon know, would never let him get close like that again.

Soonyoung hummed, using the spare key Jihoon gave him, he entered the room with Jihoon's favorite breakfast. He saw the amount of missed calls he had from the other boy, and the messages about being annoyed and mad he's not present last night.

So just to be on Jihoon's good side, he prepared his favorite breakfast, hangover pills and even his favorite coffee.

But when he entered the room, it was silent for once. It was eerily quiet. Despite all of them present, no one was talking. All of them awake, and looks like they haven't slept a bit. He frowned looking at them.

This is how Soonyoung found them.

Some of them are looking down, guilt and shame present on their face. Some are sobbing, holding each other while tears are streaming down their faces, _and then there's Mingyu_.

Mingyu is kneeling on the floor, right infront of Jihoon's bedroom door. Hands on his lap, and sobbing his eyes out.

Soonyoung was about to ask what is happening when he heard it.

The sound of Jihoon crying broke his heart, His screams piercing of what's left of the pieces. Slowly, he put down the paperbags he's holding.

He wanted to run to Jihoon, wants to wrap him up and hug him until he can take away his pain. He wants to know what made him cry this hard, and destroy it. Wants to know who he should hurt for hurting his Jihoon like this.

**"Soonyoung hyung, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry"** Mingyu immediately bowed down, his hand and his head touching the floor. Crying and apologizing at the same time.

 **"What happened?"** He asked no one in particular, the pain evident in his voice as if he's feeling the same pain Jihoon is feeling right now. No one answered at first, their cries just get louder.

 **"I asked what happened"** Soonyoung found Seungcheol's eyes. Who quickly averted it. Soonyoung's patience wearing thin. He just wants to aim his gun at them and maybe they would finally speak when under threat.

**"Last night....it was totally our fault. he didn't wanna come, and you're not even there... But we forced him to, and-"**

**"Jeonghan Hyung"** he started, even he being surprised that he's having a hard time controlling himself. He can hear the coldness, and the ember of anger in his voice, and their friends felt it too, making seungkwan stutter and tell him everything he needs to know.

Seungkwan was rambling, and sobbing too hard. He was barely audible, but Soonyoung got the gist of the story.

_And plain rage took over his body._

It was one night. One night where he wasn't beside of his beloved, one night where he had no choice but to leave Jihoon in the care of his friends, one night where he had to take off his eyes from him. It was one night, and out of all nights for it to happen it was the night he wasn't there to protect him from a monster.

He felt it then. His own monster roaring up, fiery anger he had never felt consumed him, the tight grip he had over his mind and emotions loosening, and the next thing he knew, he has pulled Mingyu up by his collar.

**"SOONYOUNG!"**

**"HYUNG!"**

Mingyu was taller than him, and definitely bigger with all the muscles he's sporting. But at that moment, he looked so small, Soonyoung in all of his glory, staring down at him, cold eyes piercing through, harsh hands gripping him.

**"Let go of him Soonyoung!"**

He paid them no attention. Instead he manhandled Mingyu until he has him pinned to the wall, the wall shaking with the force of his actions. There were shouts, but he kept his eyes to Mingyu, even as Minghao and Jun tried to disarm him, tried to pull him away to Mingyu. But without taking his eyes off of Mingyu, he managed to block them and stop them from trying. With one hand, he wrapped it around Mingy's neck and choke him. Making the other boy gasp in pain.

**"SOONYOUNG STOP!"**

**"SHUT UP!"** He roared, and everyone flinched upon looking at the rage in Soonyoung's eyes.

 **"You were supposed to protect him, but look what have you done"** he growled, tightening his hold on Mingyu's neck.

 **"Soonyoung you're going to kill him!"** Joshua calmly told him, but even Soonyoung can hear the fear in his voice. He had been a predator for so long, he knew how to smell fear on a person.

He wanted to laugh, these people doesn't know what he is capable of. Doesn't know how many he had killed and buried. Doesn't know he can easily do it to them too.

**"Hyung please, Jihoon...jihoon won't let us in..and he..he"**

**"Leave"** he growled. Letting go of Mingyu, the boy immediately inhaling air.

 **"All of you leave. I'll handle Jihoon, leave"** he had to remind himself. These are people important to Jihoon. He can't kill them or hurt them because that would mean hurting Jihoon as well. So he breathe in, deep and long. Trying to tame the side he so badly kept in the dark, shoving it in the shadows, back to where it should be hiding.

 **"Please, just leave. I'll take care of Jihoon from here"** He spoke again, once he can feel his bloodlust calm a little. One by one, they left. Mingyu still apologizing, and Jeonghan still insisting to stay.

With all of them gone, all he can hear now is Jihoon's cries on the other side of the door.

His anger is still there, shimmering under his skin. He wants so badly to go, to run after the man who did this to jihoon. _His sweet Jihoon, pure little Jihoon_. He doesn't deserve this. If Jihoon doesn't need him now, he would be across the city hunting the asshole down. And he will. Later. A litlle bit later. Right now, he just needs to calm down and comfort Jihoon.

Slowly, he sat down on the floor. His back resting on jihoon's bedroom door. He closed his eyes. He needs to calm down fast. He can't appear beside Jihoon with the need to kill still inside of him. He need to control himself so he can help Jihoon.

Jihoon needs him. That's the priority. The only thing important right now.

He started tapping his fingers in regular beats on Jihoon's door. Trying to remember the most recent song Jihoon had made him listen. Continuing the tap tap of his fingers, he started humming. Softly, but loud enough so it would be heard beyond the wooden door.

It took awhile, but the crying died down. Until he can't hear anything anymore. But he didn't stop humming, continuing on humming melodies and random songs he can remember.

**"Jihoon ah... can I come in?"** He asked, gently. His voice so soft, making sure that it isn't loud nor annoying. He didn't hear any answer. But he used his spare key, opening the door slowly.

His heart broke for the millionth time that day. Seeing Jihoon so small, and so afraid. Another wave of anger washing over him from seeing the state of his beloved. But he swallowed it down, and slowly, went near the bed.

His room was in disarray. Books and papers, and glass scattered around the floor as if a storm shuffled inside and destroyed the room. In the center of the mess, Jihoon was curled on the bed. Blanket wrapped around his ball body. Silent cries in his lips, body shivering and his fists curled tightly. Soonyoung wanted to scoop him up, cover his body with his own. Hide him on his arms, and never let him go. He wanted to carress him, to take away his pain with his touch. Wants to wipe away his tears, and he's willing to do anything to make his boy smile.

**"Hi, jihoonie"** He whispered. Kneeling just beside the bed. It took awhile, and another set of humming before Jihoon opened his eyes and looked at him. When he did, Soonyoung felt weak, and hurt. Jihoon looks so beautiful. Even the tears in his eyes looks like diamonds adoring his face. He looks ethereal even when in pain, but Soonyoung decided he would trade beauty for happiness. He'll buy every gem, every diamond he can if it means removing the ones on his beloved's eyes.

**"My sweet, Jihoonie, I'm here"** Jihoon started sobbing again. But Soonyoung let him, just doing another set of song and staying right where he is. He won't go away, not until Jihoon tells him to. He'll be right here, waiting. Until Jihoon opens up, until he crawls back to his arms. He'll stay right here, even if he can't touch him or hug him. But if his presence can comfort Jihoon, he won't go anywhere.

He'll stay right here, besides Jihoon. Looking after him, not taking his eyes off him even for a second. He won't make the same mistake, won't trust other people regarding jihoon's safety and wellbeing. He'll do it himself. He'll protect Jihoon, he'll make him happy, he'll make him feel loved again. He'll erase the bad memories, and replace it with pretty ones.

He'll be right here, and no one would be able to touch him, not him. _Not Jihoon. Not his beloved_.


	6. NO FUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi? It's been so long since I've written for this story I truly love this story but just like what I said, this story formed because of my relapse. Whenever I'm having a bad episode where my depression manifests as aggression and anger, I write this. It got too much that I ended up drinking meds for awhile. But I've stopped and now the itch is back in my skin. So this is again the result.

_"Oh I can tell you’re lying without even looking_

_Oh whatever you say now_

_Oh don’t even think of making excuses anymore"_

_It almost looked ridiculous. 8 men, all equipped with different kinds of weapon, are waiting anxiously at an empty warehouse in Yangju, Gyeonggi-do. All of them tried to hide it, the fear that the plan would be in vain. That in the end, it would be for nothing. Worst, that they might die tonight. But still tension is palpable in the air._

_Some of them have knives, multiples of them. Long ones, short ones, hiding them, or some just holding it in plain sight as if an assurance of safety. Some have guns, different ones, from pistols to revolver to shotgun. All full of bullets, and extra magazines ready just in case it would take them longer than it should. They even carry bombs, just a precaution. They never knew what would happen._

_But considering they only need to kill one person, they think they're more than prepared._

_Or that's what they thought._

_Until something dropped in the middle of the warehouse -from somewhere, they don't know, they were too busy watching all entrances and exits to care about something like that. But then the thing exploded into a colorful smoke. Effectively sending them into panic because they can't see. The leader of the mission growled._

_**"HOSHI! Don't be a coward and show yourself!"** He screamed in the middle of the chaos._

_But the next thing he knew, there are screams left and right, shots are being fired, bodies are falling, and blood started flowing._

_Without thinking, he pulled out his gun and started to fire aimlessly. Not caring who will catch the bullet. All he knows is that one of his bullets might take down the enemy._

_It took awhile, maybe twenty minutes or so, but eventually the chaos died down. The smoke cleared out and he was left standing alone in the middle of the room, seven dead bodies around him. His eyes skimmed the place, looking if any of the bodies is the infamous killer. His heart suddenly falling upon realizing all bodies are owned by his men._

_**"Looking for someone?"** He shivered when he felt him breathe down on his neck, his whisper rang loudly because of the silence. Before he can even move or react, the guy already slit his throat._

_His body falling down as blood poured out of his neck. Only one person standing in all of the chaos._

_**"What a shame, you all went to all that trouble to kill me, but you failed. Your boss wouldn't like that. Atleast I'm kind enough to kill you fast"** The guy shrugged._

_Without removing his mask nor his cap, he took one of the fallen stranger's gun, a common handgun. Hoshi looked at it in disgust._

_**"This is why you died, you have shitty guns"** He murmured before firing the gun on each body. Making sure that ALL bullets brought by the men who planned to kill him, are ALL in their body._

_And when he's finished, he used the gas the group brough with them. Using it to light a fire, until it consumed the warehosue. He left then. But only after he used one of the mutilated hand of a stranger to draw a star on the entrance of the warehouse._

* * *

When they said that curiosity kills a cat. Jihoon should've been smart and fucking listen to it. He should've known better and stick to what he knows. Stick to what was given to him. Stick to where he is. _But no_. Against everything he knows and he believes in, he fucking chose to listen to his gut and followed his instinct. He chose to eat Eve's apple knowing he might not like what he's gonna swallow. 

It started as a small seed of doubt, a simple joke that everybody overlooked except him. Everyone was laughing. Riding on the easy, light hearted bantering of Soonyoung with their younger friends. He was teasing them. Jihoon has already forgotten about what since he wasn't paying attention at all. Jihoon only caught the end of it, the way Chan stood up and wildly gestured to Soonyoung.

**"Eyyyy hyung, we know you!"** It was a simple statement. Uttered in a careless, light way. There was no deeper meaning, nor any hidden feelings tuck in each word. And yet Jihoon noticed how Soonyoung shifted slightly different in his seat. And Soonyoung does that. He's restless, always full of energy. He can't stay still like his limbs need to be moving all the damn time. But it hit Jihoon differently this time. For some unknown reason. It was just a simple movement. Something that Soonyoung always does and yet, Jihoon fixated on it. Fixated on him. Fixated on the way he spoke next, and the words that left his mouth.

**"Not the way you should!"** And Soonyoung said it as a joke. The exclamation accompanied by the overly cringey fingerhearts. Shooting hearts at Chan while winking. Making everyone laugh even harder at how ridiculous he looked, and how ridiculous his statement was. But then... _But then..._

The words ate at him. Slowly, silently. For days, for nights. He bet all of his friends had forgotten about it. But he didn't. The words stuck to him like glue And he can't get rid of it no matter how many times he drowned himself in hot water. It was just there. Circling in his mind, lingering in his consciousness.

  
**"Hey, might be gone for a few nights but you're free to stay at home"** They don't live together no. But they almost always stay at each other's place. When they're too tired, they opt for Jihoon's apartment where he now shares with Chan. When Chan graduated highschool and joined them in college, they chose to live near the university. And when Jihoon wanted to be comfortable and wanted space, he stays at Soonyoung's bigass luxury apartment.

**"Ah sure. Uncle?"** He doesn't need the confirmation. It's what Soonyoung always gave as a reason whenever he's gone. That and his work. And even four years in, and only a year left in college, he still doesn't know what Soonyoung's job is. Nobody really knows. And it never bothered Jihoon. It was never a big deal. But today, it tickled a thought in his mind he never really pays attention to.

**"Yep. Uncle. I won't be able to grab dinner with you guys. I'll go directly after class"** the way he says it hit something funny within Jihoon. Soonyoung usually goes to meet his uncle every month. Sometimes a few times in even though he claims that they hate each other so much that they can't stand one another. But the meeting is regular. There would always be a few days, sometimes it can even last to a week, where Soonyoung would leave and spend his waking days with his hated family. It was something they had normalized but for some fucking reason, Jihoon is now finding this so fucking odd.

**"Okay"** He simply answered and that was the end of it. 

_Except it wasn't_ because Soonyoung didn't attend his last class according to Minghao. And Soonyoung only told him when Jihoon pointed it out. He said something about an urgent matter and again, Jihoon didn't ask for more. Instead he went to Soonyoung's apartment and brood about how big it is. At how familiar it is too him. He has been staying there for years now. Going back and forth from his own apartment. He considers it as his home. One of his safety baskets. Because wherever Soonyoung is, Jihoon knows it's bound to be safe. But now...he feels alienated standing there. Alone. Intimidated all of a sudden. He feels so.. _out of place_. The walls, the doors, the furnitures are all the same yet all of them looked so unfamiliar.

He knows he's getting paranoid. Letting his thoughts and unwanted doubts to linger and destroy whatever control he has over himself. _He knows this_. But he's restless and he knows it won't go away. It has been the itch in his skin for weeks now, and it's getting worse. So he let it get the best of him. He let himself succumbed to his paranoia and the next thing he knew, he's flipping the apartment upside down. He doesn't even know what he's looking for. Doesn't even know what he wants to find. But he digs around. Through all the closets, drawers, cupboards and everything with a door. He looked under the beds, the tables, the chairs, the carpets and everything underneath. He zoomed through every nook and crannies, every small and enclosed space, and every fucking corner. He lifted furnitures, moved every object, and seized just about everything in the apartment. 

And nothing. Nothing at all. There was nothing. Five hours of nonstop moving, and he didn't get anything at all.

But it was what pushed him to think that Soonyoung has been hiding something. 

Except for all the things that he and Soonyoung filled the apartment together, the apartment was to bare. Too empty. Too clean. Like it was deliberately done that way. Jihoon was too drunk up on Soonyoung's presence he didn't notice the missing pieces. He can't take it. Can't take being alone in the apartment with all these worries inside him so he chose to stay in Seungcheol's apartment.

**"What are you thinking so hard about?"** Seungcheol nudged him. He didn't even notice that he stopped eating all together and chose to stare at the balcony. The same balcony where he had his moment of hallucination about Soonyoung a year ago. But... is it really something his tired mind had made up? or did it happen? What was real? 

**"Nothing much. Watch are we watching?"** He sighed and turned his eyes on the open television. Mind still running wild.

**"News"** Jihoon scrunched his nose and looked at Seungcheol with disbelief in his face.

**"Since when do you watch the news?"**

**"Since Hoshi"**

That was when Jihoon paid attention to the sirens and police inside the screen. People milling around and all sorts of media with all of sorts of camera crowding at the dead bodies digged in a province quiet far from Seoul. Each of the body were already decayed and severely mutilated that it would be hard to find out their identities. And even if they do, there would be no trace of how they died. They knew it was Hoshi who killed them. But who the fuck is Hoshi? It could be anyone, it could be anywhere. He has been killing for years. A murderer who has been roaming their country for years and yet, they can't find one single evidence against him. Except for the ones the killer himself leaves behind on purpose. 

**"Do you think...Hoshi could be near us?"** He asked all of a sudden. Glad for the new train of thought that distracted him from the idea of Soonyoung, of his bestfriend, hiding something from him in purpose.

**"I hope not. I really, really hope not. based on my research, _don't look at me I was curious_ , anyways! Based on my research this guy really doesn't have specific context when it comes to his killings. All of them are random. Like super. From the ages, to the livings state, to the place or religion they belong to. Nothing connects them. Not the time, not the place, not even the way he kills them! We never know when he would attack, who he would attack. So if there's a God out there, I hope he listens and fucking stray us away from this demon" **

Jihoon nodded at him. And tuned out the news. It's not something he's interested in. All those news about blood, and killings, and messy gore. It's not something he can stomach so he avoids them. And Hoshi? He's old news. He kills, Police finds out about it too late, and he still walks free. There's nothing new. No progress on the case. And has absolutely no connection on Jihoon's life. So he doesn't worry about it.

He sighed.

**"I'm going to bed"** He announced and Seungcheol simply waved him off. He got ready for bed, all the while waiting for anything from Soonyoung that would help him calm his mind and his nerves. And it came. A simple selca with a wish of goodbye. It didn't silence the thoughts all together, but atleast it calms them down enough for Jihoon to drift to sleep.

  
_Maybe if Jihoon paid enough attention, he'll notice how Soonyoung never shows his background in every picture. Maybe if he paid enough attention, he'll notice how the stars Hoshi drew on his crime scenes are the same ones on Soonyoung's right calf. Maybe if he paid enough attention, he'll notice how the news about Hoshi killing somebody always rise whenever Soonyoung is away to his trip. Maybe if he just paid enough attention. Maybe. But he didn't._

_And he should've continued like that. Should've moved on instead of paying too much attention. Maybe if he did, he won't be on the receiving end of Soonyoung's- no, Hoshi's gun..._

**_"I don't want to kill you. I tried so hard for you not to know because I don't want to kill you"_ **

**_"I..."_ **

**_"Don't worry, this would be quick. You won't even feel it"_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now? I'm sorry for everyone who thought I have abandoned this story. I didn't. It just simply won't get out right whenever I force myself to continue this without feeling the high aggression myself. Again, I don't condone to violence and everything written here are all up in my imagination.
> 
> And since we're talking about aggression and murders, I am reaching out to all the people who reads this to please help and support our Black community. Racism has been happening for years and only now, it is being filmed and being showed to the world. Please be educated and sign every petition you can see supporting the cause. Black lives matter, all lives matter. All of us are equal and has the right to live and be respected as human.
> 
> For more Soonhoon content, you can find me on my twitter; @WeShipAndWeSail. Thank you. Stay safe everyone.


	7. Shhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And...I'm back. Uhmm trigger warning? The first part is kinda gross. So...yeah. That's it.

_"Me and you,_

_We get hurt from the lies that won't ever work"_

_The man didn't bother to use anything to hide his face. Afterall, why would he? He is in the comfort of his sanctuary. Here, in this abandoned home, no one can see him. No one even knows of this place. Deep inside the forest, hidden in between large trees and bushes. Humming a happy tune, he made his way to a corner wall, which contains a hidden door. One that when opened, showed stairs that leads down to the basement. Once you reached the last step, an automatic door would greet you. Not like it matters, he's the only one who knows the password and the only who ever comes here... conscious and alive._

_He happily pressed the right combination. Entering a cube like room where there is no windows or any other exit. It was designed neatly. With white ceiling, white wall and white floor. In the middle of the room consists of two beds. The one on the left is the kind of recliner bed you see on a dentists office, only it was has straps on it. The other one on the right is a flat metal surface. One that you can see on hospital morgues. And right now, it's occupied by a man's body._

_"You're awake!" He cheered, clapping as he went near the man who is strapped tightly on the metal bed. The top of his head, and then his neck, his hands, his hips, and legs are all bound to the bed. Preventing him from moving anything except his fingers. The man didn't answer. Simply gritted his teeth and stared at the ceiling._

_"Ahhh. I was going to be merciful tonight. But you just gotta ignore me like that? I've been ignored all day you know? My precious Jihoonie neglecting me for that boy. What was his name? Ah! Kang Daniel! I want to rip him into pieces. Maybe feed them to the dogs. But I can't, you know? Because he's Jihoon's friend and he likes him. And how can I do that?" The man stopped speaking pouting and glaring on the floor like some kind of a child. And it hasn't even three seconds when the childish act was replaced by a sinister smile. And then the next moment, he was already chuckling to himself. He skipped to the far of the wall. Right next to the automated door, and the victim hoped he would just leave. But it was all in vain when the man simply opened the vault next to the door. It's a vault that was connected to the wall, and when he opened it. Rows and rows of small bottles are carefully tucked inside._

_"Hmmm...this can be fun" The man left his position for a moment to grab the glove that were on the table on the opposite corner. And after securing the gloves in his hand, he carefully, oh so gently, picked up three small bottles. He skipped back to the victim's side. Smiling at him as he prepared what he needed._

_"I'm so mad, you know? Fuming. But I can't do anything. So your luck must be pretty bad. Considering what I'm about to do to you" He carefully put on safety glasses, and a mask. Before carefully putting the liquids out of the bottle. Putting them in high resistant flasks._

_"This one-" He lifted one flask, containing a colorless liquid that can be mistaken as water except "-this is called Piranha Solution. Cute name right? It consist of hmmm, Sulfuric acid and hydrogen peroxide. If it's not mixed properly, and handled gently, this can blow up. Start a fire and destroy everything here in this room. But! you know what happens when it's done right?" The man didnt wait for the other to answer. Instead, he poured the chemical on the man's arms. And the next thing that can be heard, is his screams._

_He screamed as the acid licked his skin, slowly, it started to react, the skin starting to deteriorate and started to burn away on the flesh._

_"So beatiful" He muttered. He put down the now empty flask. Reaching for the other one. It was just the same colorless liquid. With it on his hand, the man walked at the edge of the metal bed where the victim's feet are bound._

_"This one...this is just concentrated sulfuric acid. Nothing fun. But still, it's beautiful to look at" As soon as he stopped speaking, he spilled the content of the flask on the victim's legs. Slowly moving so he can cover up almost all of his legs. The screams got louder. His limbs trying to escape it's prison. But the man made sure he won't be able to move for this. After all, by doing this, he's also in danger. He needs to be extra careful or he himself can exposed to the acid._

_He watched as the acid scalded the skin, the acid eating away on his skin and scathing it like some eating insects. Until the skin turned black and burnt. Some of the flesh getting visible with the continuous exposure to the acid._

_"This last baby here, is my favorite. Why? This is really easy to order. And people thought that it's one of the less toxic acid there is. Oh how wrong they are!" Gleefully, he moved again, this time stopping right on his stomach. But the victim can't even comprehend it anymore. The pain of the two acids eating away on his arms and legs are too painful to even think. He can't even say a word to beg, to plead. Instead all he can do is to scream._

_"This is called Hydrofluoric acid. Also known as Flesh eating acid. Do I even need to explain that? Hmmm. Maybe I can just show you." Carefully he started to drip the liquid on the man's chest down to his stomach, and not even a second, his skin and flesh started to create a corrosion on the surface. It didn't just scalded or burnt the skin, it destroyed it completely. Until the victim stopped screaming, his organs getting affected by the exposure with the strong chemicals. Within 8 minutes of the acid on his skin and inhaling it directly, he was dead._

_"Ah no more screaming? Sad. Still beautiful tho"_

_The man didn't stop playing. Not until there's only bones left on the table. Using different kinds of chemicals and acids. Until there's only the stench of acid in the air, burnt flesh and the metal bed was destroyed beyond repair._

* * *

Jihoon knew what happened. It was burned in his mind. Ever hour, every word, every action -every single thing that happened. All of them are ingrained in his being. As soon as he woke up in the hospital, with his family and friends around him, every memory resurfaced. For four days, he went missing. For four days, he was with him. For four days, he found out everything he doesn't know about the man he thought he had memorized. For four days, their four years of friendship crumbled to nothing but dust. 

It has been four months since then. Four months in and he kept his mouth tight shut. Pretending, and acting as if he can't remember anything that happened when he was assaulted. Four months in, and Soonyoung is still nowhere to be found. He dropped out, they told him. _Family matter_. He needed to transfer abroad and he didn't have the time to say goodbye to anyone of them. Jun said that Soonyoung called and told them when he was already at the airport. None of them get to say goodbye or to see him go. _Bullshit_. 

Kwon Soonyoung is _Hoshi_. 

That's the truth. The heavy knowledge that is sitting pretty in his mind. He still can't process it. Can't combine the Soonyoung he knew for four years and the Hoshi he spent four days with. He can't believe they are the same person. Kwon Soonyoung who is as bright as the sun and the kindest person he had the pleasure of meeting. He likes helping people, be it him, their friends or strangers crossing the sidewalk. He had never heard him raise his voice and would always walk off when a fight ensues. He's also one of the people who plays mediator whenever their group of friends starts fighting because of petty things. He loves playing with animals. Even reptiles that almost all people are afraid off. Hell, he treat Hansol to a Reptile Cafe because Hansol wants to pet a snake but no one wants to go with him. Soonyoung makes sure that all of them are okay, that they are safe, comfortable and he is always ready to lend a hand when needed. He acts like a proper donsaeng to their older friends and a doting older brother to their maknaes. It was the reason he fell in love with him. The reason why Jihoon had cut himself open and entrusted his whole heart to Soonyoung for protection. Not knowing he was the monster all along.

It was like a joke. A cruel fucking joke. Because Hoshi isn't like that. Hoshi is a fucking killer without an ounce of conscience in his body. He likes to torture his victims, enjoys mutilating their bodies and take a sick sense of pleasure on toying with the authorities. He's a loathsome creature. Nobody even considers him as a human being anymore! So how? How can Jihoon think of Soonyoung that way?

He felt so lost and so empty. Without really meaning it, he has been dependent to Soonyoung for the past years. He was there when he's happy about the songs he made. He was there to force him to sleep and to drink. He was there whenever Jihoon needed to burst out. And he was there to make him feel safe all the damn time. And now he was just gone. And he doesn't know what to do.

He should report him to the police. Should tell them everything he knows. He won't have evidence but they'll eat anything that would be handed to them about Hoshi. Hell, they'll call it a breakthrough progress. He should leave this library, tell his friends and ask them to come with him to the police station so they can finally end the terror that hoshi has created to the public. So he closed his book, his friends looking at him with concern. But he just waved them off and stood up.

**"Hyung? Where are you going?"** Seokmin asked him. They've been worried about him. Maybe because of his so called kidnappning, or maybe because of Soonyoung's disappearance in their life, he doesn't know. And he didn't bother to ask.

" **Coffee** " He lied and Hansol immediately stood up.

**"Hyung, i'll but it. I've been meaning to but one myself anyway!"**

**"Okay, I'll just go to the toilet then"**

  
Except he didn't go to the comfort room. Nor did he proceed to go and spill everything he knows to the police. What he did was walk until he arrived in the familiar luxury apartment. Instead, here he is, four months after, letting himself in the empty place. He doesn't know why he's here. Doesn't know why he keeps coming back. But he still does it anyway.

He doesn't do anything. He just get in, sit at the couch and watch the sun goes down. Only leaving once his friends picks him up. They think that he's just mad. Just heartbroken. They did have an idea about his feelings for Soonyoung. So he let them think that way. Let them assume that he's just sad for losing Soonyoung.

  
_Oh how wrong they were._

  
Jihoon's starting to hate himself. Because even after knowing everything, even after Soonyoung told him the truth..he still can't let him go. Can't bare the thought of Soonyoung in the cold prison cell. Can't imagine him having a hard time. He must be crazier than he thought. Must be an absolute low human being. Because he found out that his bestfriend is a criminal, and he's still in love with him. He found out his bestfriend kills easily without a thought, and yet he still wants him alive and breathing.

  
_He wants Soonyoung to come back to him._

  
He watches the news now. Always waiting for any news about Hoshi and about his kills. But for the first time in years, Hoshi hasn't graced the news for four months. And only Jihoon has the idea why. Is he scared? That Jihoon would talk and betray him? Is he sad because now he can't play the role of the sweet wealthy college student? Is he hiding? Or did he change his mind? Jihoon wanted to laugh at the last question.

He gathered every information about Hoshi. Anything he can find. But all there was were all about his killings. No trace about him. Jihoon wants to say he's amazed. But Jihoon knew Soonyoung is smart. Apparently, smart enough to get away with murders. Multiple of them.

He tried to find anything that would lead him to Soonyoung. Anything that would connect him back to Soonyoung. He doesn't even care if it's dangerous.

_"I can. I can kill anyone I want. Whenever I want. But not you. Never you. I will never hurt you, Lee Jihoon"_

  
Maybe he is actually insane. Maybe somewhere in the past few years his brain got damaged so much because instead of being creeped out, instead of being repulsed by the statement. It only made him hold on tighter. Believe in him stronger.

  
No matter how much he stops himself, no matter how much he hates himself for it...

  
In the back of his mind...

  
He knows Soonyoung means it. And Jihoon felt so fucking safe because of it.

**"You're here again"** Jihoon doesn't have to turn around to recognize the one speaking. He didn't acknowledge it. As he always does. He rarely speak these days. Preferring to drown himself in school works and sulk in a corner.

**"Jihoon, we should leave. Soonyoung doesn't live here anymore"**

**"Okay"**

It was the same old scenario that has been happening for days, weeks, Jihoon doesn't know. But he keeps coming back. To what? What would he do if Soonyoung actually shows up? Beg him to stop? Ask him to surrender himself? Confront him? 

  
there's a teeny tiny voice in the back of his head, something he pushes back as much as he can, that quietly states how he already knew the answer to every questions. But he just refuses to acknowledge it Denies it and pretend.

  
Because in the end of the day. He wants Soonyoung to stay. And that means, hiding and burying everything he knows about his other identity. And doesn't just makes him just as a criminal as Hoshi is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, guys please take care. And if you want more Soonhoon. You can follow me on twt; @WeShipAndWeSail 💖💖💖


	8. Swimming Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello? I'm back? Does anyone even read this anymore? Hahahaha. Im sorry. I don't have a plan of abandoning this fic. But then again, I only write it when I'm having an attack. I know. It's a fucked up mechanism.
> 
> BUT ANYWAYS? ENJOY?

_"I want to not think of you sometimes_

_I think I’m gonna go crazy when I think of you_

_But it’s easier said than done_ "

_The place is glittered with everything expensive. From the high ceiling and the big diamond chandeliers down to the Italian carpeted floors. It's a five star hotel afterall. And a big event in which only with the high class status and high profile people can attend._

_From Versace dresses and Armani suit, everyone is obviously just attending to either flaunt their money or to make another connection. It's always the reason for these events, anyway. Money._

_Unfortunate for them, somebody uninvited is roaming inside. Undistinguishable from the other guests. Adorned in a Dolce and Gabanna Black pinstripe suit, he looks like he belongs in the crowd. It's helping that the theme of the night is Masquerade, and his golden mask not just hides his features, but also matches with the accented golds in his suit jacket._

_He sighed, gently swishing his wine glass in a careful circle. He's bored, and he's not even 30 minutes in the party yet._

_**"Mr. Higasi?"** A man tapped his shoulder, and he looked back._

_**"That is I"** He bowed graciously as the man chuckled and introduced himself. He also offered his hand, but he didn't removed his gloves when he accepted it. He can't leave any trace afterall._

_**"Maybe we should talk in private. This is a big business afterall"** The man was quick to agree. And he led him out of the main hall. He had the hotel memorized. Knows the blindspots of the cameras, and which cameras he has hacked so he can smoothly walk towards a room._

_**"Please, this way"** The man thanked him for opening the door. Not noticing the way he locked it after._

_**"So Mr. Higasi. I have read the proposal. And I am pleased with it. Let's get down to business shall we? Afterall, the black market waits for no one"** Said the man who sat down with head held up high and arrogance graced in every movement. He hated it._

_**"Hmmm...Would you like some wine?"** He offered, and the man graciously accepted. Apparently pleased with his welcoming behavior...if only he knows what's about to come._

_**"So? Business?"** The man asked, eyebrows going up as he leisurely sips on his wine._

_**"Apologies, Mr. Kim. But I have no idea of what you want to talk about"** He mumbled. Pulling his mask off and putting it on the table. The man did the same._

_**"What do you mean, Mr. Higasi? Are we playing fools now"** The man laughed, humorlessly and conceding. He really has no time for these kind of people._

_**"I am not Higasi. Your...hmmm, supposed to be business partner is already dead. I killed him."** He smiled, showing his blinding white teeth. The man gasped. And tried to stand up. _

_But he wasn't able to do so. The man can feel his mind going slow, can feel the dizziness creeping up. He can also feel, or rather, he cannot feel his limbs anymore. As if slowly, they're getting numb._

_**"What you just drunk is a high dosage of Elephant Tranquilizer. It's not supposed to be used on humans. But never said why. In about five minutes, you'll lose any ability to move. And then it'll reach your heart and it'll stop beating. And oh....in a few hours, the drugs would be out of your system and it would look like a simple heart attack"** He explained. Eyes twinkling as he watched the man scrambled to stand up or to scream. Amusement is obvious in his expression as the man crawls and tried so hard to ask for help._

_"Ahhh...I forgot. Just so you know who killed you... My name is Hoshi. And it's only for business"_

* * *

When Jihoon woke up, he's in a bed. It's soft. But not familiar. The linens smells of detergent and forest instead of the usual vanilla and citrus Soonyoung loves to use. The room is quite empty. Except for the bed he is currently laid, there is a simple wooden side table, a closet, a small couch, and a whole lot space. There is a window on his left, but it was barred with metal rods. And standing there is Soonyoung. Looking out at the sun rising. It's too bright that it hurts Jihoon's eyes. 

When he moved, that's when he realized that his hands are tied on his front. It wasn't too tight to hurt his skin and leave marks but tight enough so he won't be able to escape. The knots are done meticulously, with purpose. As if trying to restrict him without hurting him. His feet are also tied the same way. Making it harder for him to move. The bedding rustled as he tried to sit up, and Soonyoung slowly looked at him. 

Jihoon swallowed. He's Soonyoung. Everything about him looks so familiar but everything also looks so wrong. His eyes aren't shining. They were dead and empty. The usual emotions dancing in his eyes for everyone to see is nowhere to be found. His usual lips that are always graced with a beautiful smile is set in a firm line. And his face...it's stoic. Devoid of anything that can tell what he's thinking or feeling at all. For all Jihoon cares, this is the perfect definition of poker face. He's Soonyoung. But he looks nothing like _his_ Soonyoung.

**"You're Hoshi"** He muttered, appraising him from head to toe. Looking for all the changes. Of how different Hoshi is to Soonyoung even though they're the same person.

He didn't answer. Didn't even give any indication that he heard him. He simply stared at him lifelessly. And god, Jihoon knows he's dangerous. Knows this, this side of Soonyoung is sick, dangerous and ruthless. He kills for fuck sake. Even if Jihoon rarely watch the news, he knows exactly just how many lives had ended in his hands. It was do disgusting. The way he would play around with the cops and the media. The way he would fucking mutilate a human's body. It's all fucking wrong, horrible and repulsive. 

_And yet..._

Seeing this Soonyoung...Seeing Hoshi... Jihoon can't help but admire him. He's fucking in love with the man for fuck's sake. Has been attracted to him for years. And this, knowing that he's some kind of a psycho killer should really be a deal breaker. Should be the one fucking reason he needs to vomit the feelings out of his system and move on. He's fucking in love with a criminal. With a disgusting human being, if he can even call him that! 

_And yet..._

He still looked at him. Still looked at how beautiful his eyes is. How prominent his jaws are now that his body posture is all tensed. Of how, this expression, this stance, is sending shivers down Jihoon's body for a different fucking reason. Something hot coiling in his gut because if Soonyoung smiling is so beautiful, this Hoshi is so fucking sexy.

Jihoon, wonders for the first time in his life, if he's still sane or if he's in the right sound of mind. He should be screaming. Should be asking for help. Should be running. But considering the amount of knowledge he has about Hoshi, he knew getting away from him is basically impossible.

So he just...gave up. Once he was able to sit up, he rested his upper body on the headboard, thankful that a pillow is supporting his back.

**"Are you just gonna stand there?"** He asked Hoshi. They had a staring game. Him not removing his eyes from Soonyoung, and Soonyoung's eyes not even wavering. His whole attention zeroed on him. Sighing, Soonyoung finally moved. Slowly, gently, as if trying not to spook him, he walked towards him. Until he was just steps away from the bed.

**"You didn't kill me"** Jihoon patted the space besides him. Soonyoung did sit on the bed, but it was on the edge. Far from where Jihoon wanted him. Far from Jihoon himself.

**"I should"** Jihoon startled when Soonyoung answered. For some reason, he thought that he won't sound the same way. Although his mind is in a constant circle of Soonyoung is hoshi, and hoshi is Soonyoung. It's still hard for him to connect the two persona.

**"Are you going to?"** He asked again, looking straight at his eyes but Soonyoung sighed deeply before looking back to the window. That annoyed Jihoon.

**"Probably"**

That was the last thing Soonyoung told him before he went out of the room without even a goodbye.

  
He spent hours thinking of how to escape. He doubts he can. But then again, he's not even trying. Is it because escaping means going far away from Soonyoung? Or is it because escaping might lead him to die? Either way, it'll end with him leaving Soonyoung behind. And he doesn't know how to stomach that.

When Soonyoung returned, he went inside the room holding a tray with foods. Jihoon didn't speak. Unsure how to talk to him. Unsure who is he talking with. Is this Soonyoung? Is this Hoshi? Why is this so confusing? How can he manage to change one personality to it's complete opposite in a span of seconds? Is Soonyoung fake? Or Is Hoshi simply a persona.

Jihoon flinched when Soonyoung cupped his cheeks. And tensed afterwards. Realization hitting him. He never, _not even once_ , ever rejected Soonyoung's touch. Not when he's sober, not when he's out of his mind. Soonyoung is a safe place. And his heart breaks knowing that his subconscious already considers Soonyoung as a threat.

**"You have a wound on your forehead. I was gonna put some cream"** Soonyoung ( _or is it hoshi?_ ) muttered softly once he let go of Jihoon's face. Going back to the edge of the bed and keeping a safe distance between the two of them.

**"And whose fault is that?"** He whispered, hand coming up to touch his head. Soonyoung simply hummed. 

**"There's no weapons or things you can find to escape in this room. I made sure that all lines of telephone is cut. And your phone has been destroyed. I brought plastic fork and spoon. And disposable plates"** Soonyoung explained, voice even and cold. Jihoon looked around the room. Still not sure why Soonyoung is stating the obvious. Gasping a little later when Soonyoung brought out a knife and cut the rope that binds his hands.

**"I know you won't eat if I'm in the room"** Soonyoung shrugged once he saw the confusion on his face.

**"Why bother feeding me when you're gonna kill me anyway?"**

Soonyoung stopped on his tracks, already half way out of the room. Jihoon thought that it could've been a chance to escape. But he knows Soonyoung is capable, he honestly don't wanna risk it. And also doesn't know if he can hurt him.

**"I wonder that too. Enjoy your meal"**

  
_If Jihoon looked closely, he would've seen the pain in Soonyoung's eyes. If he only paid attention, he would've found the hesitation in Soonyoung's actions. If he listened past the chaos in his mind, he would've seen the lies in Soonyoung's words._

  
_But he didn't._

* * *

Soonyoung ( _Or hoshi, he's still confused_ ) didn't tie him again after eating unlike what Jihoon thought. Instead, Soonyoung silently went inside the bathroom connected in the room. Jihoon wasn't sure what he did there until Soonyoung went of the room and brought back a set of clothes with him.

**"I prepared you a bath"** Soonyoung mumbled. Jihoon's eyebrows soar up high. Mind blanking with confusion.

**"I know you hate not being able to clean yourself."** That was what all Soonyoung said before he was once again leaving Jihoon alone.

**"Wait!"** Jihoon scrambled to get up. The floor is cold on his bare feet, making him wince. He stayed still once Soonyoung stopped from opening the door and looked at him.

**"What...what exactly are you doing? You fed me. And now you want me to clean. I don't understand. Are you going to hurt me? Are you going to kill me? This is... everything is hurting my brain! What the fuck is happening?"** He burst out. Unable to comprehend the situation anymore. 

He would've preferred it if Soonyoung acted more like Hoshi to him. If the man showed him how dangerous he can be. That'll be easier to digest. To know that Hoshi is just another mindless killer, and he was wrong on trusting him. But no. Soonyoung hasn't even touched him since he woke up, except for putting some cream on the wound on his face. He kept his distance, and even took the time to make him food and prepare him a bath. Something his Soonyoung is more likely to do than the killer he has known through the media. It's messing up with his brain. Because he can't exactly hate the man when he's been nothing but sweet and gentle to him.

**"...come downstairs when you want dinner"** Is all Soonyoung answered before getting out of the room.

Jihoon took his time. Even though Soonyoung ( _he refused to call him Hoshi_ ) has told him that he'll find nothing inside the room, he still did try to search for anything that can help him. Maybe. He looked through the closets, under the bed, the bedside table. But found nothing. Nothing at all. He sighed.

Just a few days ago, he was so sure that he would never be able to meet Hoshi. That Seoul is too big and it'll be a big fucking bad luck if he ever runs into the killer. Just a few days ago, he was so sure that he'd be graduating hand in hand with his bestfriend. In fact, he and Soonyoung himself, has been planning a vacation getaway as a graduation gift. Now, he wants to laugh.

He feels like he's going crazy. He just found out that his bestfriend is a killer. The same bestfriend he's so in love with. It's so hard for him to accept that the Soonyoung he has known for the last four years of his life is simply just a fake persona to hide away the monster that lurks in the dark. 

How can somebody fake it so real? are his emotions, is actions, his words...are they all fake? How can Soonyoung change so different that the two persona doesn't makes sense in Jihoon's mind? _How can Soonyoung be fake?_

When Jihoon tried the door, he was surprised that Soonyoung did left it open. It was already dark when he decided to come down, barefooted still. He looked around the place. The walls has no paintings, nor any accessories. He hasn't found any wall clock around. The floor is cement and cold. It has no coating that it feels a bit rough against his feet. The place his huge. But empty. There's a lot of hallways, and Jihoon can see a few doors. But he's so afraid of what he can see so he just went downstairs. He followed the sounds of metal and found himself in the entrance of the kitchen. Soonyoung gave him a simple look before returning back on whatever he's cooking. He sat in the stool, and watched Soonyoung moved around.

Like this, with Soonyoung's back on him. Jihoon can easily pretend that it's just another normal evening where it's too late for takeout, so Soonyoung tries his best to make the few dish he knows how to cook. Nobody talked. And only the sizzling of the fire, the chopsticks banging on metal, and Soonyoung's movements can only be beard all throughout the house.

**"is.... Soonyoung a fake name?"** He asked even though he already knows the answer. He just need a closure, he guessed. The final nail on the coffin. The earlier he knows the truth, the faster he would be able to accept it. _Soonyoung is Hoshi. That's it._

**"No"**

A bitter laugh found its way out of Jihoon's lips. But Soonyoung didn't even acknowledge it. Busy with his hands, concentrated on the task. Jihoon wonders if this is what he looks like when he skins someone alive.

_"What's your real name?"_ He asked. Soonyoung stopped moving. Looking at the side before finally turning the stove off and looked at Jihoon.

**"Kwon Soonyoung"**

**"Bullshit"**

**"Hmmm"** Soonyoung moved again, placing the food infront of him. But Jihoon only looked at it before standing up. Fully intending to get out of the kitchen and go back to his prison. 

He stopped once he's on the entrance of the kitchen once again, finally noticing how all of the windows are barred with metal just like how it is on the window on his room. And his eyes widened when he saw the double door. It's his chance he knew it. He'd die either way. He's sure Hoshi would kill him anyway. So why not try to get out of it? But Soonyoung seems to notice him. And Jihoon cursed. Of course. Soonyoung basically has him memorized. Soonyoung can practically read him like an open book.

**"We're in the middle of a forest. Believe it or not. It's dark and there's nothing outside but wild dogs. It takes me about 30 minutes on car just to get on the road. You'd die out there"**

**"okay"** He mumbled, and acted as if he's intending to go back on his room.

But once Soonyoung took his eyes off him, He turned around and changed courses. He didn't even questioned why the front door is unlock, he just run.

_He just run for his life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't scream at me for being a shitty writer. But here's my twitter if you wanna talk about Soonhoon.
> 
> @WeShipAndWeSail
> 
> Also please check my acct, I swear I have cute stories and I am not a psycho.


	9. ROCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi??? see I'm trying best and updating faster now! 😂😂😂 Anyways, stream 254HR!!!!!

_"Only you can be the reason for my pain_

_As if digging in the clouds_

_My heart is floating lightly_

_Everything starts with you,_

_So you should end it"_

_There are times when he just forgoes any preparation. There are times when he's too impatient and has no time for processes. There are times where he just doesn't care about being meticulous._

_The thing is...he's a killer. He is good at what he does. Careful enough to never get caught. And smart enough to get away with toying with the law. He's a killer. And he enjoys killing._

_And it is so so so easy to kill. Even without being careful._

_We all feel it. We all think of it. Wish for it. At some point, we had wanted to kill someone in our lifetime. But we're too bound by morality and ethics that we tend to disregard it as wishful thinking._

_He isn't like that. He has long known the ropes and which ones to pull so he would be able to let loose. This sort of rage that presents itself as hunger. Hunger for chaos, for blood. For life._

_Unlike normal people,he isn't scared of burning his soul. Conscience has long been drowned and innocence forgotten. He learned pretty early that the world isn't pretty. And that humans in general is horrible. So he learned to be monster instead._

_Someone who isn't concerned about righteousness, about what is right. His life is his own. And he refused to be boxed in by a society that knows nothing but to break wings and crush people's soul._

  
_It's a paid victim, this time. It always isn't the case. But he's being paid for his good service and he's doing what he likes. Two birds with one stone. And this man might've been a real big asshole because he's given to him just when he's not in the mood to play or be nice._

_He wasn't the one who captured him. He was given the job with a big bag of money and a big bag of body. It's easy money and easy job. And again, no trace to him considering he had the body delivered in an open field and asked them to leave it there. Only going for the body once he knows there's no one to see him and drove five cities away._

_He brought him to his house. The one that's in the middle of a forest. He didn't even wait for the man to be conscious. Nor hesitated. Just as he put him carelessly on the metal bed in the basement, he started to chop his body. Again, he's not really in the mood to make this long._

_The man howled, waking up in pain as Soonyoung chopped his feet like he's just chopping a pig's bones. The screamed grated his nerves so he just proceeded to cut his throat. Chopping harshly until his head is no longer connected with his body. It's easy to lose himself from there. Letting all thoughts go and focused every attention on chopping the said body until they're all tiny bite size, and he's not the only one covered in red. The once beautiful white room is covered with the bright paint of red and he sighed at how it would be a pain in the ass to clean._

_He gave the meat to the hungry dogs that surrounded and hunts the forest, and burned the bones that were left._

_By morning comes, there was no clue of what transpired the night._

* * *

Jihoon accepted that his feelings for Soonyoung won't ever change when he finally met Daniel for the first time again since their separation in highschool. 

He didn't plan it. For him, Daniel and their relationship is something of the past. There's still the lingering guilt, of course. But he has long abandoned the what ifs. And if it were up to him, he would wish that it's simply something they should just leave as it is. Afterall, they had closure and parted ways peacefully. It was an easy affair, and Jihoon doesn't want to complicate it now that it has been years after.

But alas, Seoul isn't as big as he thought. And their university is so much smaller. He's not surprised that they'll somehow find each other again in the same university. Afterall, they used to talk about it all in highschool. They even had plans.

**"This is awkward isn't it?"** Daniel chuckled, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. A mannerism Jihoon still remembers. It endeared him a lot before. To be honest, he adored everything about Daniel. He was so smitten for him before. Jihoon might even call it love. Except that Jihoon knows it isn't. It could've. Easily too. If only their relationship was given a chance to bloom. But it was cut short. And Jihoon believes that it's for the better.

**"Are you feeling awkward?"** Jihoon asked, tending to his coffee. Giving Daniel a soft smile, which was received gladly given that Daniel instantly relaxed on his seat.

**"Sorry, I just can't believe that I'd be able to see you again. Much less, talk to you. It's just...I'm happy. How have you been?"**

Jihoon shrugged at the question. And told Daniel how his life has been the past years they haven't been talking. Daniel listened well. Enthusiastically even, considering that Jihoon's life is boring and normal. In return, Jihoon listened to him as well. They stayed at the cafe for a few hours. Just talking. And Jihoon marvels at how easy it is to talk to him again. He didn't feel the butterflies that used to reside in his tummy whenever Daniel sends him a smile. Nor his heart pitter patter when Daniel looks at him with all the attention in the world. It was...relaxed. And that's when Jihoon realized that it's because he doesn't have any lingering feelings for him anymore. 

**"Oh yeah, remember that ice cream shop down the crossroad? Dude, they almost won't let us pay with how we're always going there!"**

**"Even in winter!"** Jihoon giggled, the memory sending warmth down his body. He hasn't gone back to Busan. Not when he decided to leave for music, and his parents basically estranged him after finding out that he's gay. But that doesn't mean he didn't miss it. Miss the place and the good memories he made with good people.

**"We should go back soon! I'm sure-"**

  
**"Uhhh Jihoon?"** Daniel was cut short when a voice called his name.

Immediately a smile graced his face. An automatic response. And he looked sideways to find Soonyoung standing close to his chair. He has to blink twice, before his brain caught up again. Because Soonyoung looks good today ( _Jihoon thinks he looks good everyday_ ). He's wearing a simple black shirt, tucked in his ripped jeans and a red flannel wrapped around his waist. It's summer. So he's dressed down. And Jihoon can't help but appreciate the arms that is on show. He appreciate it less when he noticed just how many is staring at it as well.

**"Hey"** Jihoon immediately stood up, pulling another chair from a close table. Placing it just besides his, and patting it as an indication for Soonyoung to sit. Which he does so.

**"Hey Dan. This is Soonyoung. Soons, this is Dan. He's my ex"** Soonyoung nodded, giving Daniel a smile before offering a hand.

**"Hey dude, heard a lot about you"** Daniel told Soonyoung.

**"Don't believe anything jihoon says. I am not a pushover"** Soonyoung joked. And Jihoon released the breathe he has been holding. He doesn't even know why he's so nervous all of a sudden? 

Daniel laughed. Obviously getting the joke. And Jihoon finally relaxed on his seat. Letting his body sway towards Soonyoung. Again, something like an automatic response. And Soonyoung put his arms around Jihoon's seat. Pulling his chair closer so that Jihoon would be more comfortable. The action didn't go unnoticed to Daniel.

**"Why are you here?"** He asked Soonyoung who reached for his drink. Only gagging when he taste that it's dark roast coffee. Soonyoung gave him a look of betrayal. Which made him laugh.

**"I'm not gonne be here for long"** he stated, looking at Daniel as if giving him a heads up. And Jihoon frowned at the news. Before he can ask why though, Soonyoung continued talking. **"Also why are you drinking coffee? We're controlling your intake!"**

**"Oh, it's actually my fault. I didn't know and basically bought him coffee since it's his favorite?"** Daniel sheepishly stated, giving Soonyoung a guilty smile. It made Jihoon pout.

**"It was one drink"** and then Jihoon pouted even more **"Also, what do you mean you won't be long?"** He asked, poking Soonyoung's arms.

**"Ahhh, here"** Soonyoung gave him a pack of his favorite cookies. And Jihoon immediately grabbed it. **"It's work. Im required to work overtime. So I actually just came to tell you I won't be able to join you for dinner"**

**"Oh"** That suddenly dampen Jihoon's mood. As if Soonyoung can read his mind, his hand that was previously placed on the back of his seat, started to massage his nape. He sighed. It shouldn't be a big deal. They don't eat together every night, anyway. However, it's also the reason why he's always happy to eat with him. He likes routine, okay? And he's gotten used to Soonyoung taking care of him. And maybe he's also pouting because he doesn't even know where Soonyoung will be tonight or what he'll be doing. Him and his stupid job no one knows about.

**"Yeah, okay"**

**"Don't pout"**

**"I'm not!"**

**"Please eat dinner"**

Jihoon rolled his eyes. 

**"Well, if you're not sick of my presence yet, I can take you to dinner? Just so Soonyoung-ssi won't worry about it?"** Daniel offered.

**"Yeah, that's actually a good idea. See, Im an adult"** Jihoon nudge Soonyoung who only rolled his eyes.

**"That's settled then. Here, I need to go. It's nice to meet you, Daniel-ssi"** Soonyoung gave Jihoon his car keys. Another routine of theirs. Jihoon honestly learned to drive and got a licence because Soonyoung insisted it. And now, whenever he's away, he leaves his car keys to Jihoon. Hating the fact that Jihoon has to commute when he's not around to pick him up. Jihoon used to refuse. Uncomfortable with using something that isn't his, and also, that car is expensive as fuck. And also an attention seeker.

**"Just call me Daniel. See you around"** Soonyoung nodded at Daniel and ruffled Jihoon's hair before standing up. But Jihoon immediately grabbed his wrist, effectively stopping him.

**"Text me later"** He mumbled and Soonyoung just gave him a soft smile.

**"Will do, ji. Enjoy your time"**

He let go of Soonyoung then. But he followed him with his eyes until he got out of the cafe. Soonyoung did look back once to wave at him, smiling widely once he saw that Jihoon's still looking at him. 

  
**"Your eyes are shining"** His attention was brought back when Daniel speak, looking at him with softness in his eyes.

**"What?"**

**"You really like him, don't you?"** Jihoon choked on his coffee but Daniel only laughed at him before handing him some tissue. He glared.

**"We're bestfriends"** He muttered. As if that word alone would explain his feelings. 

**"That doesn't mean you can't have feelings for him and before you deny it, I know. Because that's the way you used to look at me. No. Actually, you look more lovestruck now than ever. Everyone with eyes can tell right away"**

Jihoon inhaled sharply. He knows he has feelings for Soonyoung. But it's something he refuses to put attention to, or to even comprehend. He's not yet ready to accept the fact that he views Soonyoung more than a platonic friend. That he wants more than what they have now. His friends, although has some inkling of what he feels, never outrightly ask him. They try, of course. But Jihoon blocks them immediately.

Daniel though, caught him off guard. Forcing the feelings back at the very front. The things he used to push away, deny, and ignore, is presented in a silver platter by the person he never thought would bring that up.

**"It's... isn't like that"** He mumbled.

**"What's stopping you?"** There's no malice in his words. Nor teasing. There's just confusion and curiosity. 

And Jihoon thought to himself...yeah, _what's stopping him?_

  
He did have dinner with Daniel, but they were joined by his other friends. Thankfully, Daniel left the conversation just as they left it at the cafe earlier. And all of his friends are too tired of his deflection that they don't really bother about the issue anymore. So they steer clear of any Soonyoung related news.

They separated ways with the promise of being friends again and a few planned meetings again. Jihoon does miss Daniel. He was, afterall, his friend before they progressed for more. And he doesn't see why not revive it. There's a lot to catch up. And it looks like Jihoon's mind is also now catching up with him.

He went straight to Soonyoung's apartment, and wondered since when did he think of it as a home. How walking inside, even without Soonyoung and waiting for him to arrive is something he's gotten used to. He thinks of how his life is so woven tightly with Soonyoung's. As if Soonyoung has crawled to the tiny corners of his life and occupied even the unknown spaces. 

_"What's stopping you?"_

Jihoon looked out the large floor to ceiling window, the city sparkling with night lights and for the first time, let his mind step on uncharted territory. There's no more denying. And Jihoon doesn't even know why he keeps on denying. When in fact, he's falling hard every single day. 

Jihoon has forgotten how his life was before Soonyoung came, and Jihoon has always pictured his future with Soonyoung in it. 

He's in love with him. And he knows, that even if Soonyoung doesn't feel the same way, it won't be ugly or turned sour. He knows. Soonyoung isn't that kind of person. The best thing would happen is Soonyoung telling him that he feels the same way. The worst would be Soonyoung apologizing for not returning his feelings. But Jihoon can't imagine him ever reacting bad.

  
_So what's stopping him???_

  
Jihoon sighed. He honestly doesn't know. For some unknown reason, there's a part of him that keeps holding him back. A small voice telling him _"no, not yet"._ As if he's waiting for something to happen. But what is it? 

  
**"oh, you're still awake?"**

Jihoon startled bad, groaning when there's a tick on his neck. Soonyoung immediately comes closer, massaging his nape and he sigh. His mind run out of control again and he didn't even notice how long has he been sitting their, just silently looking out the window.

**"Just thinking"** He stood up, and stretched. Noticing that Soonyoung has different clothes from what he wore earlier today.

**"Daniel?"** Soonyoung asked, and Jihoon's face snorted unattractively.

**"God, no. Just this project im doing."**

**"Oh. Good, let's sleep?"**

**"Yeah let's"**

  
He fell asleep with his body tucked tightly around Soonyoung's own. Mind whispering, what's exactly is he expecting to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Just like what I said from the beginning, this is a non-linear story. I'm sorry if I'm confusing you with the timeline and random scenes.
> 
> 2\. I apologize for the gross scenes. But this is what the story is about. Soonyoung is a killer. And this is just a compilation dump of his life and how Jihoon cope with it.
> 
> 3\. Please don't read it if it's too dark for you. I've put trigger warnings and tags. So it's up to you.
> 
> 4\. Scream at me in twt anything about Soonhoon!!!!


	10. Love Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would you look at that, another filler! Hello? I'm back with another chapter that makes absolutely no sense. But here it is anyway 😌

_I will hold you tighly and never let go_

_I will always be by your side_

_Being messy and cruel isn't something new to the killer. He enjoys it. Finds something refreshing in doing the sinister act. He finds it the most addicting however, when the said person he kills deserves it._

_Now, Hoshi isn't really an upholder of laws and morals. He's a criminal himself. And he certainly doesn't see himself different than the other ones. Just maybe smarter. Maybe better. And he absolutely loves it when he gets to kill someone who's on the same path as him._

_Take for example this guy he had tied up in his own little forest. His battered body, colored of blues and violets and greens, contrasts beautifully against the pure white of the snow. It's just sad how it would later be stained by the color of blood. It would be a pain in the ass to clean, sure. But nobody really goes in this place. In this small treasure he has found and owned for years. So he can take his time._

_After all, his prey deserves the treat._

_The victim won't even feel the pain that much. As long as there's the snow to numb the pain while he skins him alive. Hopefully he won't die of hypothermia that fast. Because Hoshi won't be satisfied with just that. He wants him to be awake. Conscious enough to see and witness how he would chop his body in 38 tiny pieces. He smirked. Looking straight at the man's eyes as he showed the array of tools he's about to use to him._

_"Pray. Pray for all 38 pieces of you"_

_The police later on received a total number of 38 packages, all named after the 38 kids who has been reported to have been missing, raped and killed. A few tests later shows that the body parts belong to the serial rapist they have been looking for about three years._

_All packages is signed with stars drawn by the rapist's blood. And no name, fingerprints, nor evidence can be traced back to the sender. But they all know who killed the rapist anyways._

* * *

When Jihoon woke up, sweaty and panting, he can't remember the nightmare anymore. He just knew that it was something dreadful, and he was definitely afriad. _Of what?_ he's not sure. But they're a daily occurence now.

He'll wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming. Getting up from a bad dream he can't even recall once he opens his eyes. His friends thought it might be because of that incident, when he was kidnapped ( _kidnapped, yeah right. only if they knew who 'kidnapped' him_ ). So they begged him to go to a psychologist. It didn't help of course. Or well, Jihoon's sure she's very good at her job. It's just that he won't talk.

Or rather... _he can't talk_.

It's been almost a year. Long months of Soonyoung disappearing as if he was never there in the past four years of Jihoon's life. Their friends are slowly moving on from him dropping connection, figuring that he might be too busy in the states to form any more bond towards them. His trace is slowly disappearing as well. Except for his empty apartment, there's barely any indication that he has been there.

And yet... he just can't seem to betray him.

Jihoon thinks that he might actually have lost his mind. He should be glad, that Soonyoung is finally gone. Because Soonyoung is Hoshi. And Hoshi is dangerous. No matter what, it won't change the fact that he's a murderer. A ruthless killer. And what good would that do to Jihoon? To be associated with a criminal?

But then there are the voices.

Voices that whispers at him every time.

He's a murderer! ( _But it's Soonyoung_ )

He doesn't know how to be human! ( _false! Soonyoung has always been kind to him_ )

He might one day hurt him! ( _He said he can't. He promised he won't_ )

It was an internal battle. One that he can't win. One that whatever the result is, Jihoon would still be a loser. Because either way, he will lose him. Actually, he already lost him. He smiled bitterly. He doesn't why it always happens like this. He'll wake up from a nightmare, fight with himself and then go back to bed with a restless sleep. Because really, nothing would ever change.

When he woke up once again, it was to the noises that can be heard through his door. Immediately, he knew it's just his friends so he didn't bother to get up right away. Slowly waking himself up until his stomach felt the need to stand up.

There's a loud discussion going on at the living room. But he barely paid them attention, nodding to some of them before turning to the kitchen. However, as he was about to take a step. He heard _his name._

**"I honestly thought Hoshi's dead. We haven't gotten anything for a year! But now he's back to what? Business? Killing people for fun? Fuck"**

Jihoon honest to god freeze where he's standing. He doesn't know whether to turn back around, or continue going to the kitchen. In that time, Mingyu decided for him. Upon seeing him, he was immediately ushered to the table where lunch is already served. He quietly thanked Mingyu and quietly ate his food. His face not betraying the chaos that's now coming undone inside his head.

He listened to his friends condemn the killer. Shouting at the television in disgust. Would they say the same thing when they find out it's Soonyoung? Would they curse him? Would they turn him in?

**"Jihoon, you're spacing out again"** Jeonghan gently shook his shoulders and Jihoon looked down to his now cold food.

**"there's just this song I want to finish"** the lie comes easy now after doing it for a year. And Jihoon wonders how long he can keep them from knowing the truth. If he even wants them to know the truth.

**"You should rest"**

**"I will"** He promised. Just to get the attention out of him.

He spent time with them for awhile. Letting them linger in his place until they slowly leave him alone. Seungcheol and Jeonghan leaving last, insisting to stay. But Jihoon had stated that he wanted to be alone. Thankfully, they honored his wish.

As soon as the doors were closed though, he raced back to his room. Taking his laptop and immediately searching about the recent incident involving Hoshi.

And that just spirals from there. From that one incident, he started to read everything written about him in the internet. Which is to be honest, not much. There's absolutely nothing that indicates about Hoshi's identity or location. Not even a slip up or a clue. All there is are the evidences that he himself leaves. The actions he purposely let the media and the people know. But besides that... there's basically nothing except the news of his killings.

Jihoon knows he shouldn't be impressed. But he is.

_He can't help but wonder if he's the only one who knows about his identity._

Jihoon stared at the ground. There's no more blood on the walls nor any indication that just a few days ago, there has been a body murdered in this alleyway. That there has been a life that Soonyoung ended in that place. Jihoon doesn't he even know why he's here. But it has been days since he started to find anything, everything he can just to get a clue of where Soonyoung is. 

But he always ends up with nothing.

So here he is, instead. Going to the places where the killings happened. As if he can find something the police and the media hasn't found. As if Soonyoung would appear just like that if he keeps on coming. 

**"Where are you"** He mumbled, his palm meeting the cold surface of the wall. Anyone who can see him would definitely think he's getting crazy.

Maybe he is. Maybe he should accept that fact. He'd rather be crazy than to lose Soonyoung. Maybe it's time he admits in himself that he'd rather be an accomplice. Someone who would hide Soonyoung just to keep him from leaving. 

By the time he went back to his place, he's emotionally and physically tired. All he wants is to curl on his bed and never get out. Unless Soonyoung magically comes back. 

He was so out of it that he didn't notice the paperbag on top of the bed until it crashed under his weight. Groaning, he opened it hastily. Thinking that it might have been left by one of his friends.

He frowned when there's an unfamiliar branded jacket inside. Black, soft and brand new. He reached inside the paperbag to see if there's any note and he immediately turned on the bedside lamp upon getting one.

He immediately froze.

He knows that handwriting.

**_"You're better of without me. Take care"_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello? I told you I won't ghost this 😂 Again, if you guys don't understand;
> 
> 1\. This is story is basically based on my moods. I only write this when everything gets too much and I have the urge to hurt myself, or someone for that matter.
> 
> 2\. This story is a drabble. I've posted it on the notes from the start. This is just a compilation of Jihoon and Soonyoung's life. There's no linear story. There's no timeline. Just a series of drabbles.
> 
> Thank you anyways. Goodbye again!


	11. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another non-sensical update, but I needed to vent out. So here it is 😌

_I don’t wanna be alone_

_No I don’t wanna be_ _fo_ _rgotten_

_So I’ma sing this song_

_Anybody listening?_

_Hoshi stared down at the baby with cold slanted eyes. The child's eyes wide and bright as it stared back at him with mix of wonder and curiosity. He doesn't look like past one years old, his chubby feet kicking in the air while his small arms are reaching up._

_It's just the parents' luck, his target, that the first room Hoshi breaks into is the nursery room. Now, Hoshi isn't a man with law or morals. But he does have principles he goes by with. He enjoys his job because he's good at it. He knows sometimes that he shows no mercy and cruelty. But that does not extend to kids._

_And all of his clients fucking knows that._

_Give him money and a target, and he would do it. He doesn't care if it's a woman or a man, or an elderly. Not even when they're young adults. Hoshi can end their life without any hesitation._

_But Hoshi draws the line with kids._

_Sighing in annoyance, he finally moved again. The cctv cameras would be up again in about 8 am but the security people would be up earlier than that. So he only has atleast a few hours to finish what he has to do and leave._

_"So hassle" He whispered and the baby giggled, not understanding what he was saying. That made him smile without any humor._

_He get to work then, taking baby books out of the shelf and tearing the words and letters he needs to create the warning he needed. It's not the first job he's blowing over. But it's always a pain in the ass whenever it happens._

_"here's to hoping your parents aren't stupid"_

_He put the warning letter right at the side of the baby monitor that's not working and left just as quietly as he came in._

_Two weeks later, he's staring at the same huge eyes. Bright eyes not aware that he's now orphaned. Because that's just the way it is in his world. Just because he didn't continue with the kill doesn't mean his clients won't find somebody else to do it. After all, he's not the only one in this kind of job. He's the most competent, sure. But he's not the only one that can do the job done._

_It's not the baby's fault that his parents made bad connections and equally bad moves. But he's still gonna bear the weight of his parents' mistake. Here's to hoping he never finds out how and why his parents are murdered._

* * *

The first time Jihoon met Soonyoung's uncle was unplanned. It's early in the morning but as far as Jihoon can remember, he and Soonyoung doesn't have any classes until late that afternoon. Hence the lack of alarm. He opened one eye and groaned in annoyance when he saw that it's just 8 in the morning and there's already someone murdering the doorbell.

**"yahhh"** he nudged Soonyoung's stomach with his elbow, pushing him away from the cuddle to wake him up. But Soonyoung only groaned and turned around. Curling under the blanket.

**"there's someone on the door, open it up"** He kicked him but Soonyoung kicked back.

**"you do it"** the other man finally answered.

**"It's your damn house"** he only received a hum in response and then Soonyoung's breathing evenly again. No doubt falling back to sleep.

With annoyance and sleep still clogging his brain, Jihoon stood up and went to open the door. He swear to God, if this is one of their friends, he's going to make sure they'll regret disturbing them so early in the morning.

**"What the fuck do you wa-"** He stopped in his tracks when he was met with an unfamiliar man and woman standing outside door.

They looked like they're of the middle age, both dressed as if they're about go on a board meeting. Despite their intimidating appearance though, there's a soft smile graced on their faces.

**"Hi? We apologize for disturbing you but I think we got the wrong place"** Said the woman. Her voice has a soft tilt to it, almost motherly. And Jihoon blinked at her. Not knowing what to say.

**"It's just our niece used to live here. Do you perhaps know what happened to him? His name is Kwon Soonyoung"** The man explained slowly. 

Jihoon narrowed his eyes at them upon hearing Soonyoung's name. Niece? So are they the hated uncle Soonyoung keeps telling them? But they look... nice?

Just as he was about to explain that Soonyoung didn't leave and he's a friend staying over, Soonyoung was already up and talking.

**"What are you doing here?"** There's coldness in his voice and Jihoon turned his head to look at Soonyoung, finding him tensed with his eyes dark and hard as stone.

**"Soonyoung! There you are, dear"** The woman, Soonyoung's aunt, cheerily greet him but Soonyoung's stance didn't change.

Jihoon looked back and forth from Soonyoung, who's very on edge and his family members, whose smile hasn't slipped off from their face. Jihoon figured that it is too early to deal with this shit.

**"Please come in"** He finally break the silence and stepped aside to let Soonyoung's aunt and uncle inside the place. 

**"Thank you, lovely boy"** The woman said, even patting his cheeks lightly and they both went inside.

Once he closed the door, he was surprised to see Soonyoung still standing at the same place he was. Not moving. Just glaring at the door. And that alone tells Jihoon that he shouldn't have invited the guests inside. But what can he do?

**"You should go and talk to them"** He mumbled, but Soonyoung just trained his glare at him. 

He found Soonyoung closing his eyes and heavily sighed, before turning around.

**"Go and wash up, we're going to class early"** Soonyoung said before walking away. Jihoon didn't have the time to protest that their earliest class is after lunch. He just shrugged and went back to Soonyoung's room to get ready. Afraid to agitate the man even more.

Soonyoung was fuming the whole ride to their university. Silently driving but his hands are gripping the wheel hard.

**"they...seem nice"** He mumbled. It's not that he wanted to eavesdrop, but he did hear them talking. Soonyoung has been short and rude towards them, but the soft tones of his uncle and aunt didn't change. As if they're used to Soonyoung's attitude towards them.

Soonyoung didn't give any indication of hearing him. Didn't even respond. They parted ways in the university without a word. And even if Jihoon wanted to go after him and apologize, he only watched him walk away. Hoping that his mood would soften later that day. 

_It didn't._

Although Soonyoung showed up on their group lunch, he stayed silent. Picking on his food. Jihoon isn't used to this kind of Soonyoung. He nudged him but Soonyoung didn't even turn to acknowledge him.

**"Yah, if you're mad at me say it"** He said and their friends stopped talking. Looking back and forth from the two of them. Still Soonyoung didn't answer. 

**"Yah, Kwon Soonyoung"**

**"I'm tired"** Is all Soonyoung said and stood up getting his things. And for some reason, this really annoyed Jihoon.

He has seen Soonyoung get annoyed plenty. Not with him. Never with him. They bicker back and forth, sure. And Soonyoung loves sulking. But he has never been the end of Soonyoung's anger. 

Without hesitation he followed Soonyoung and pulled his arm.

**"Are you really just going to ignore me all day? For what? Because I let your uncle in? Because I said they were nice?-"**

**"THEY'RE NOT-"** Jihoon was surprised when Soonyoung raised his voice but he immediately stopped once he saw how Jihoon flinched and continued with a softer voice, stepping closer and reaching for his wrist. His thumb caressing the skin near his pulse **. "-they're not nice. Just because they acted like that infront of you doesn't mean they're nice."**

**"Soonyoung..."**

**"Forget about it. Go finish your food. I'll see you later"**

Soonyoung gave him a hesitant smile and turned around. And just like that, Jihoon watched the other man walk away for the second time that day.

They weren't able to talk after that. Soonyoung sending him a text message that he won't be able to meet him for dinner because of his job. So he slept at his own apartment that night. 

He's uncomfortable, of course. Feelings unsettled. Soonyoung's message has been normal. But he can't help but feel restless at the way they left things at. It's making it hard for him to sleep. 

Annoyed, he grabbed his phone from the bedside table and walked to his kitchen. Trying to find some ramen and leftover rice he can munch on. If he can't sleep, then he'll just fucking eat. Who cares about weight. He'll just drag Soonyoung to the gym. 

Right. Soonyoung. He sighed.

As he waits for the ramen to boil, he opened their conversation and immediately typed a message. He's not expecting a reply. As Soonyoung is mostly unreachable whenever he's on a job. A job he still won't tell them. Sometimes Jihoon thinks it might be related to drugs, considering how Soonyoung easily gets money. But he's also convinced that it's something the other man won't ever touch. 

But that's not his main concern. He just wants to know that they're okay. Because Jihoon can't stand Soonyoung being mad at him. 

He put his phone down after sending his message to Soonyoung and went to pour his ramen into a bowl. But not even minutes after he put down his phone, it rang loudly in the otherwise empty kitchen. Startling the shit out of him, making him let go of the hot ramen. He cursed when some of the liquid got into his hand, immediately grabbing his phone and answered Soonyoung's call.

**"Hello?"** He asked unsurely, still surprised. He wasn't even expecting a reply, but received a call instead.

**"Why are you still awake? It's 3 am, Jihoonie. You have class at 8"**

**"I was hungry?"** He answered unsurely as he remembered his burnt hand, he immediately put it under running water. Elevating the pain.

**"Go to sleep after, okay? You'll get grumpy again"** Jihoon scrunched his nose at that but didn't deny. He does get grumpy when he lacks sleep.

**"Hey, soons?"** and the other man hummed **"I'm sorry about earlier. I should've just let you deal with them and-"**

**"It's okay, hoonie. You didn't know. But that's okay. I'm sorry for ignoring you and raising my voice. I was just in shock, I guess? I didn't know they're here"**

**"Are you okay?"** He asked, worried now. Soonyoung must've felt really bad from seeing his uncle and untie out of nowhere. It's not a secret that he has always hated his family. He never explained why, and their friends never really asked because they think it's a personal matter. But it was easy to guess that they didn't get along well. They just all assumed that his family is some kind of a villain.

That's why Jihoon was surprised because the couple he met earlier the day looks anything but mean. But if Soonyoung is uncomfortable and doesn't want them in his life, then Jihoon is gonna stand by him.

**"Yeah. Let's have lunch tomorrow? I'd be back right before that time"** And Jihoon knows it's Soonyoung's way of telling him that everything is okay between them.

**"Okay, go do your job"**

**"Go to sleep, jihoonie"**

Once they end the call, Jihoon doesn't feel like eating anymore. So he left the ramen on the table and went back to his room to sleep.

Just as Soonyoung predicted, Jihoon is grumpy the next day. Thank God for Seungkwan who, one look at him, immediately know that he needs the biggest cup of coffee he can find. He just can't wait to finish his morning classes and go to Soonyoung's apartment. He'll probably sleep while he waits for the food delivery. He's not in the mood to eat out.

He quickly typed a message to Soonyoung that he's on his way to his apartment, expecting the place to be empty as the other man replied that he'd be a few minutes late. He was surprised to hear voices when he got inside.

**"Darling, we don't want you the same way you don't like us. So let's make this easy for all of us, shall we?"** It was the same voice from the woman yesterday... Soonyoung's aunt. He stopped in his tracks. It has the same tone as before, gentle and soft. But her words are cutting. Which was immediately followed by another man, who Jihoon assumes is Soonyoung's uncle.

**"Don't be difficult and sign it over. We need to get back to the states as soon as possible"**

Right then, Jihoon heard Soonyoung laugh. A humorless one.

**"Why would I sign my parents' money to you?"**

**"Child, you don't even know them. We raised you. I think, we deserve the compensation, don't we?"**

**"You don't deserve shit. Get out and leave. I'm not handing anything to you"**

**"You bastard-"**

**"Dear, dear. Don't hurt him. Violence won't solve anything** "

That was what shook Jihoon to action. Before he can even comprehend what his feet are doing, he's already power walking to the living room where he found Soonyoung's uncle with his fist up, his aunt sitting primly on the couch and Soonyoung just staring at his uncle. As if challenging him to hurt him. It made Jihoon's blood boil.

**"What the fuck do you think you're doing"** He growled, stomping his way until he's infront of Soonyoung and hiding him besides him even if he's a lot taller than him.

**"Pretty boy, you have no business here. So don't get in between, okay?"** The woman told him. And now her sweet voice is just making Jihoon sick.

**"If there's someone who doesn't have a business here, it's the two of you. Leave"** He spit out, anger rolling in waves at the thought of ever believing that these two are kind. How foolish of him.

**"Jihoon"** He felt Soonyoung hold his waist, but he stood his ground. Not moving where he is and glaring shit on the couple.

No one, and he means it, no one can ever mess up to the people he loves. Not any of friends. And especially not Soonyoung. 

**"You should tell your guard dog to don't interfere"** The uncle spoke, and it just made Jihoon see red. But before he can even react, Soonyoung has already pulled him back behind him. Exchanging their position. Instead of protecting Soonyoung, he is now being protected by him.

**"And you should leave. Nothing would change. Not now, not ever. I am not handing anything to you. So fuck off"**

It took a few more glares but the couple did leave. And as soon as the door closed, Soonyoung slumped down to the couch.

**"Did you purposely tell me you'd be late just so I won't see this?"** He accused, and Soonyoung only nodded at him.

**"yeah. I didn't want you to meet them."**

**"Do they hurt you?"** Soonyoung's lack of response was already an answer. It made Jihoon angrier.

Soonyoung is the kindest person he has met. He can't imagine the thought of him, as a child, being beaten and hurt by his own family who should've been taking care of him in the first place.

**"Hey, it's okay. I'm okay now. That's the past. I can fight for myself"** Soonyoung smiled at him, and Jihoon knew it's just him trying to reassure him.

**"I should've listen to you when you said they're not nice"** He mumbled, plopping down besides Soonyoung who immediately put his head on his lap. Jihoon immediately patted his hair, knowing that calms Soonyoung down.

**"You'd be surprised at what people can hide"** there's something in his tone that Jihoon disregarded.

_He shouldn't have._

_He didn't know that it was Soonyoung's confession._

_Because he did learn what he was hiding in a hard way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter might be the most random. But it actually has a purpose.
> 
> This is to show what Soonyoung said to Jihoon. He didn't lie about who he is. He just opted some information (him being a killer) but everything about his life that he had shared is real. Including his hatred towards his living family.
> 
> I also threw a lot of mini eggs in there, that you would be able to connect the dots if you're into that kind of thing. Otherwise, it's okay bcos it's not important anyways.
> 
> Thank you for still reading this shit of an AU. I just really needed something to turn to when I'm in destructive mode.
> 
> Hope everyone is okay. Bye.


	12. Lie Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi? First, I just want to say that, uhmm, please stop reading this AU. I mean it. It doesn't have any concrete plot or any sense. Because it's a product of my depression, I mostly update nonsensical chapters hence nothing happens in the story.
> 
> NOTHING WILL HAPPEN ON THE STORY. SO JUST CONSIDER IT DISCONTINUED OR SOMETHING. Just don't expect anything and stop reading. Babye.

_"Turn a blind eye and turn your back and walk away_

_If there is nothing more painful than a painful love_

_Then go back before even more painful memories remain"_

_The hallway is quiet save for the silent beeping of the machines and the ticking of the clock. There's the occasional hum of the aircon and the sound of the elevator doors opening and closing. The lights from most of the room are already off, creating a gloomy and creepy glow outside._

_It's like a scene in a horror movie. One that makes the viewers tensed from anticipation for what's about to happen. And just as every cliche, there's a lone person walking. Wearing a doctor's gown with a surgical mask hiding his face._

_He stopped infront of the third room, knocking silently before going inside._

_There, an old man is sleeping. In fact, he has been sleeping for five years. Different kinds of machine attached to him, carrying his life on them._

_Now his instructions were simple. His client just wanted the old man to rest. As he should've done so five years ago. But his family is greedy and can't stop fighting about the money. Making the poor man wait. His client, had asked him to make it painless. To make it quick. Giving him atleast five times the amount of money he requires for this easy kind of work._

_Of course as ordered, he stayed true to it._

_He grabbed the tiny bottle that contains the potassium chloride and injected the syringe through the sealed cap, absorbing it on the tube. He then proceeded to transfer it to the IV that flows through the patient's veins. Quickly, emptying out the syringe._

_He was out and about in just 5 minutes. Leaving no trails._

_In another minute, there's the sudden loud beeping coming from the third room._

_And another, dozens of nurses and a couple of doctors went to try and revive the patient._

  
_At 2:43 am in the morning, the chairman of one of the biggest conglomerate in Korea was pronounced dead due to sudden cardiac arrest._

_Nobody found out about the cut out yellow paper, shaped in a star that's stuck on the bottom left part of the door._

* * *

When Jihoon woke up, his whole body aches. His limbs shaking, his skin feels like they're burning and his muscles throb in pain. Before he even knows it, he's whining loudly.

**"Shhhh... it's okay, jihoonie. It'll be gone in a bit, I promise you"**

It was a familiar, soothing voice, followed by a gentle hand caressing his face. And all he can feel is the warmth. He snuggled closer. Wanting to feel that warmth again. But whenever he tries to move, the pain spikes up. Making him curl on himself.

**"Go back to sleep, baby... It'll be gone soon, okay?"**

He felt the hand leave his face and he immediately whined. His hand shooting fast and trying to grasp air.

**"Hey... hey, I'm not leaving. I'm here"**

There's suddenly a hand holding his gently, and even though his every veins screamed in pain, he still grasped it as tight as he can. Pulling it _closer, closer, closer..._

**"jihoonie, Can I hold you?"**

The man hasn't even finished his sentence and Jihoon's already nodding. Wanting to be surrounded by his soothing voice and gentle touch.

He didn't have to wait long, suddenly there's arms wrapping around him like a protective cocoon, his skin tingling from warmth but welcoming the delicious heat. He snuggled as soon as he can without moving much. Which took the other man's attention, making him hold him tighter.

**"Sleep, jihoonie..."** He was already falling back to sleep when he felt hands brushing through his hair.

When he woke up again, the pain and the coldness are gone. Just that his limbs are a little heavy and he feels so exhausted. There's an arm on his waist and he can feel someone's chest on his back. And once he realized who it is, he immediately fought to get out of the embraced. Getting as far away as he can, he didn't even noticed he's already on the edge of the bed. But before he can even fall, a hand grabbed him and pulled him. Until he's back to the safety of the bed.

**"Jihoonie-"** Soonyoung ( _or is it Hoshi_?) stopped talking once he saw the fear in his eyes. Immediately pulling away from him and standing up. Standing from the bed and looking away.

Jihoon watched as the man tried to school his expression, watched the way he erased the feelings off from his face, watched as he transitioned from the Soonyoung he knows to the stranger that keeps him prisoner.

**"I'll get you food and medicine"**

Before Jihoon can even talk, the other man's out of the room. He sighed.

He doesn't remember what happened. Why he's here again. But when he looked down on his feet and hands, wrapped in bandages, he vividly remember running out of the house and into the snow storm. After he got out of the house though, he vaguely remember anything. It's just countless of trees and fog. Ice under his bare feet, snow blowing on his skin, and darkness hindering his sight. He just knows that he kept running. But he doesn't know how that ended.

_Badly_ , if it meant he's back in this room.

When the door opened again, Soonyoung's back with a tray that consist of foods and what looked like to be medicines.

He can't help but laugh humorlessly.

**"You're a terrible murderer. Why help someone when you're just gonna kill them, huh? Just fucking kill me"** He growled. Tired with the show. He just wants all pretense to be gone. If Soonyoung's going to end him. Then be it. It doesn't matter. He gives up.

He looked up to glare at Soonyoung. But was surprised to see the man's expression. He's looking down at his hands that's holding the tray. But even with his head cast down, Jihoon can see the anguish in his face. Can see the hurt in his eyes. 

...and if he wasn't so focused, he wouldn't have heard what he whispered next.

**"I can. I can kill anyone I want. Whenever I want. But not you. Never you. I will never hurt you, Lee Jihoon"**

Before Jihoon can even react, Soonyoung blinked once and then his face is controlled once again. His eyes a blank canvas and all emotions vanished as if it wasn't there in the first place.

**"Drink medicine after you eat. The extra bandages are on the drawer if you need to change the ones you have on"** Soonyoung placed the tray on the bed before standing up straight again. He hasn't looked at Jihoon even once.

Jihoon watched him walk away again. Not moving from where he is. Soonyoung stopped once he opened the door, to speak to him with his back facing him.

**"Once you sleep tonight, you'll wake up at your apartment tomorrow"**

And for some reason, instead of feeling happy that he's not gonna die. The news of him being set free alarmed him even more.

He wasn't surprised when his door was left open. It's not like he's going to escape anyway. He's literally gonna die out there ( _learned that the hard way_ ) and he's not going anywhere without getting answers.

If Soonyoung's not gonna kill him, might as well get some answers that would help him see. Help him understand. Help him to merge the Soonyoung he knows to the Hoshi he only hears on the television.

He found Soonyoung on the dining area. He's just.... sitting there. Doing nothing and just staring off at a distance. He looks so still. So different from his Soonyoung who likes to fidget.

Jihoon decided to seat opposite to his chair. Soonyoung blinked a few times. As if pulling himself out of a trance and when he saw Jihoon sitting in front of him, his eyes widened before looking away as if his eyes had been burnt.

**"I want your real name"** Jihoon demanded. At first he thought he won't answer, as he stubbornly looks at the side. But his lips move slowly and then his answer was delivered in a soft voice.

**"Kwon Soonyoung"**

**"As if"**

**"I never lied to you"** Soonyoung said, looking at him briefly before looking away again.

**"Yeah, Hoshi?"** He spat and almost regrets it when Soonyoung flinched. But Soonyoung simply whispered a small " _Don't_ ".

**"Don't what? Call you? Isn't that your name too, Hoshi?"**

**"You...that name is dirty. It doesn't deserve to come out of your mouth"** Soonyoung explained still looking away and it makes Jihoon's blood boil.

**"Why can't you look at me!"** He screamed but Soonyoung didn't turn to look at him.

**"I... don't think you'd want me to look at you"**

It's an honest confession and even if it was said in a nonchalant way, Jihoon can hear the pain laced in the words he uttered. He feels so confused.

**"I can't understand you"** He said, defeated. He leaned on his chair and crossed his arms.

They stayed there without speaking. Jihoon just... staring at him while Soonyoung won't look at him. 

**"Will you answer me honestly if I ask you?"** Jihoon tried again. He doesn't even know what he's doing. He just can't...stand it. He thought he knew him. Thought he has him memorized. But then this happened...

And now he questions every single moment he has with Soonyoung. He doubts every single word he has ever said to him. He's uncertain of every single thing about him.

**"I never lied to you"** Soonyoung just repeated. And so he repeated his first question.

**"What's your real name"**

Soonyoung licked his lips before he sighed and looked up. Putting his hands on top of the table.

**"My name is Kwon Soonyoung. I'm born in June 15th, 1996. I... am a killer"**

... _Jihoon believed every word he says._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I...had my first hard breakdown today 😂 I've been into relapse since January started, but I tried to ignore it as much as I can. Until it just built up and I was so dangerously close on... tehehehe.
> 
> I destroyed a few things today including a seventeen poster, I'm so sorry 🥺 Before I decided to just write and vent out.
> 
> I wrote it just a few minutes ago and it has no sense at all. I just need to let out. I'm sorry.
> 
> I would suggest to stop reading this AU. Thank you!


	13. GOOD TO ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still going to update this AU. But that's because this is some kind of coping mechanism. But I still stand with what I said. Stop reading because it's... idk, lost its plot and sense. Even though it didn't rlly have one in the first place. I'm not making sense, am I?

_This feels so right_

_Everything is good when just you are here_

_You're not going to stop me, you're like continuous damage to me_

_I'm gonna be hurt childishly_

_Here's the thing... Killing is easy._

_The human body is so fragile that it doesn't take much for one to stop breathing, for their heart to stop beating, for their body to stop functioning. It just takes one critical hit and you're gone._

_Killing is easy. But doing it clean and without a trace is what makes it hard. Good for Hoshi, he's not just good in it. He's the best. He knows how a human's body works just how doctors know their way through it._

_Now he's not really in the mood to play. He has a boyfriend waiting for him at home and a promised date later. So he's in a bit of a rush._

_Still, the club's pretty crowded. And his target for the night is still on the fucking dance floor and he can't just kill him right there. He can, if he wants too. There's a large enough crowd to hide his identity and to hide the actions. But it also leaves room for error. And he cannot afford that. Especially now that there's someone expecting him to be home in a few hours._

_Another hour passed like that. Hoshi bored out of his wits, until his target finally went up to one of the private rooms with what Soonyoung assumes to be a prostitute. He booked one room for himself, ofcourse with a fake name and cash so there wouldn't be any trace. And then it's another waiting game._

_Once he saw the woman left the room, he clicked a small remote that detonates ths small bomb he planted on the main source of power of the building. It's small enough that it wouldn't hurt anybody but it's strong enough to atleast shut off all electricity. He's sorry for the part goers but he doesn't really care so he just continued with his job._

**_"What the fuck who-"_ **

_His target didn't finish what he was saying because in the next second, Hoshi has already grabbed him by the neck and snapped it. He's dead just like that._

_He was already a block away from the crime scene when the electricity came back on._

_It was of course in the news that same night. Considering that he's a high-positioned politician. And since Hoshi didn't left his mark, no one figured out that it's another count under his name._

* * *

It's eeriely quiet once Jihoon got out of the university. It's past midnight. He stayed back to finish some song that has been bugging him a few days now and he didn't notice the time until his boyfriend called to beg for him to go home. He figured that he'll just finish it later that morning and his boyfriend's needs are more important as of now, so he decided to call it a night.

He's honestly so tired but he still decided to just walk. Their apartment isn't far from the University anyway, and he's going to pick up some late night snacks on the convenience store a few blocks away.

Jihoon walked as fast as he can. He's not really afraid but he had learned the hard way that one can't be too safe in Seoul. You never know when danger might arise, so it's better to be alert.

He can already spot the convenience store nearby when his phone rang. And a smile bloomed on his face when his boyfriend's picture showed on the screen

**"Yah, didn't I tell you not to walk home this late?"** There's irritation laced in his voice that made Jihoon roll his eyes. For sure, his boyfriend is pouting at him.

**"It's not like I can drive with how tired I am. Besides, I can already see you from here"** He answered and waved when he saw his boyfriend standing infront of the convenience store. And just as he predicted, he is indeed pouting at him.

Hanging up the call, he summoned all energy left in his body and run the small distance between them. His boyfriend just smiled and opened his arms. Jihoon was immediately hugged and tucked in his boyfriend's arms.

**"Hi"** He mumbled, planting a kiss on his collarbones.

**"You're so annoying. Something might happen to you if you keep doing this"**

**"Nothing would happen to me. I have you, Soonie"** Jihoon grinned, looking up until they're eye to eye. Soonyoung just rolled his eyes at him.

**"You won't let anything happen to me, would you? My badass boyfriend"** He continued making Soonyoung giggle.

**"Hmmm, you're right"** Soonyoung leaned down and Jihoon met him halfway, their lips locking in a soft kiss.

**"I missed you"** Soonyoung whispered, his breathe ghosting over Jihoon's lips. As if he's speaking the words right into his mouth. Jihoon can't help but close the gap again, not really bothered that they're in public.

**"It's just two days, Soonie"** Jihoon giggled when Soonyoung pressed sweet little pecks all over his face.

**"And? Are you saying that you didn't miss me, Jihoonie?"**

Jihoon smiled softly at him, cupping his face. He stood on his tiptoes and planted a kiss on Soonyoung's forehead.

**"I would always miss you"**

Jihoon forced the unpleasant thoughts at the back of his mind. Choosing to focus on the fact that Soonyoung's here. He didn't tell him about his fear that never leaves his mind. Didn't tell him that he's afraid that one day, he might be gone again and never go back to him.

But Soonyoung promised him. 

Soonyoung never breaks a promise.

_So he's gonna hold on to that._

**"Hmmm... Then let's buy some food and then go home"**

_Home sounds a good idea about now._

When Jihoon woke up, it's with Soonyoung's name on his lips and the man himself is shaking him awake. He's trembling and gasping for air, as he always is whenever he's ripped away from an awful dream. 

" **baby, hey, I'm here"** Soonyoung pulled his shivering body on top of him, wrapping his arms around his waist and covering the two of them with the blanket.

**"It's okay, I'm here. It was just a bad dream, baby"** Soonyoung repeatedly whispers in his ear, his fingers massaging his scalp and playing with his hair to help him relax.

Jihoon pressed his face on his chest, trying to calm himself down. Soonyoung's warm skin against his and Soonyoung's steady heartbeat grounding him in reality.

The nightmares aren't usually present but they're frequent, showing themselves whenever Soonyoung has to go for his work. Always coming after him, his fear of being left behind again manifesting in the form of dark dreams. He can't blame his mind though. It hasn't been long since Soonyoung came back to him. Or came back from the states, as they tell their friends. Although Soonyoung constantly reassures him, Jihoon can't help but be worried. Be afraid. That one day, Soonyoung would leave for work and never come back. And Jihoon would never know what happened to him.

Because that's how they work. Soonyoung is still Soonyoung. When he's around them, it felt like nothing has changed and the past year was nothing but a nightmare. Except for the knowledge that he has, nothing is different with him. He's still the Soonyoung who smiles softly towards his friends. Who's a reliable donsaeng towards their older friends and an indulging hyung towards the younger ones. He's still the same Soonyoung who's reckless about the money he spends. Who still likes to spoil them with foods and giving their friends random gifts. He's still the same Soonyoung who's passionate about his dancing, the same one who shines and flourish under the spotlight. He's still the same Soonyoung. _His Soonyoung._

Nothing has changed except for the fact that he's also _Hoshi_.

And he had accepted it. Jihoon had accepted it because otherwise he would completely lose Soonyoung. He'd rather have the two of them than none at all.

But still, Soonyoung shields him away from that. Soonyoung told him that he doesn't want Jihoon to know that kind of world. Doesn't want Jihoon to be tainted by that. It's enough that Jihoon knows who he is, he doesn't need to know what he does when he's not besides him.

That's okay for Jihoon too. Not because he's afraid to find out just what Soonyoung can do. But because he's afraid to find out that he can accept Soonyoung no matter what he does. He's afraid to find out just how far he can go for Soonyoung.

_He's afraid to find out that there might never be a limit._

**"I can't sleep anymore"** He mumbled, looking up and finding Soonyoung already staring at him.

**"What do you wanna do then?"** Soonyoung asked softly, one hand cupping his face. He nuzzled gently on his palm.

**"Let's walk"**

**"Baby, it's 4 am. It's dangerous"**

**"and I have you"** He sat up, straddling Soonyoung's thighs as he looks at him.

He feels suffocated in this room. If they stay, Jihoon's mind would convince him that he's still dreaming. That he's gonna wake up and find himself alone in the same bed like before. He can't go through that again.

Maybe Soonyoung saw the desperation in his eyes, but he did relent. Sighing heavily before grabbing some clothes for the both of them.

He let Soonyoung dress him, bundling him up in multiple layers of clothes as it's nearing winter. Jihoon saw him strap a knife on his leg but Jihoon pretended not to see that.

**"Come love, we can walk around the Han river"** Soonyoung offered his hand. And Jihoon can't help but think that he'll probably still hold them even when there's blood in them.

They didn't go home until the sun has risen and there's only a few hours for their next class. There's also a message in their group chat about getting breakfast with their friends so they didn't have the time to go back to sleep.

Soonyoung did sleep though, taking a few bites of his food and pushing them to Jihoon before falling asleep on his lap. Curling himself in a tiny ball until he's only taking a small space. He looks cute like that.

Sometimes Jihoon feels bad. Because whenever the nightmares come to visit, Soonyoung also loses his time to sleep. Staying awake for him and reassuring him until he's back to normal. But Soonyoung never complains. Instead, he treats him extra gentle. Kisses him longer. Clings to him a little bit tighter. And Jihoon basks in it.

It's hard. Having him back like this. Being the only person who has the knowledge of who he truly is. But he also doesn't want other people to know. Because that means, there would be a bigger chance of Soonyoung being found. And he doesn't want that.

It might be hard to have him but he knows that it's infinitely harder losing him.

_So he keeps his mouth shut._

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twt for more Soonhoon content
> 
> @WeShipAndWeSail


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